


Love's Darker Sister

by Calandraa



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Don't Like Don't Read, First Kiss, First Love, Jealousy, M/M, Romance, Turtlecest, an unlisted pairing if you squint, don't say you haven't been warned about the tcest, maybe smut, no definitely smut, oh and there's tcest here, ok you don't have to squint too hard i guess, seriously this contains tcest, tcest, that means it contains tcest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-11-28 09:55:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 29,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18206930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calandraa/pseuds/Calandraa
Summary: Two of our favorite mutants are confronted with feelings and desires that were unknown them. Not all of the new emotions are pleasant, not all of the available role models are helpful. Changes are coming – for better or worse.I do not own anything TMNT. This is merely for fun and in no way monetized.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I might have mentioned it in the tags but this story contains tcest. You have been warned, no refunds!  
> Aaaaanyway… If you are too badass to heed a well-meant warning and read this story, pretty please let me know what you think and tell me about spelling or grammar mistakes you find.

With a sigh Leonardo sent an admonishing look in the direction of his youngest brother. Michelangelo’s burp finally ended and a mixture of relief and disgust settled over the table. It was a good thing, Splinter had prolonged his visit of the battle nexus while Raph, Leo and Mikey had returned directly after the tournament. Then again, the youngster might have respected the basic rules of table manners if his father would have been present.

“Thanks for sharing, Mikey!” Donatello remarked sarcastically.

“Well, it came from the bottom of his heart! Or close by…” April joked, earning a few giggles from the Turtles and Casey.

“So”, Mikey wanted to know. “Is it a new record?”

“Who would time such a thing?” Leonardo asked, raising his brow ridge.

“Awwww, man, no one did?” The turtle in orange pouted, but – to everyone’s relief – did not make another attempt on his personal best.

Raphael shook his head while Leonardo changed the topic.

“Soooo”, he said. “Donnie, April, you guys seem to be in a good mood!”

Donatello had not accompanied his family to the battle nexus, but stayed behind to finish some of his projects enlisting the help of their smart redheaded human friend.

“Yes!” The genius beamed. “April figured out that an unnecessary complicated line of code in my energy control program caused disturbances in the communication between our power modules!”

“And… that means?” Raphael smiled at his brother’s tendency to forget that not everybody understood ‘geek’.

“It means that thanks to April the connection between the modules is more stable which should lead to less fluctuations in the energy flow, significantly improving the energy efficiency of the whole system!”

“And… that means?” Casey repeated Raphael’s earlier question while chewing on his last piece of pizza.

“That means”, Donnie put an arm around April. “That you can’t have her anymore because now _I_ love her!”

April giggled, blushing slightly. Casey stared openmouthed for a second before friskily slapping Donnie’s hand from the redhead’s shoulder.

“Yeah, right!” He grumbled. “You wish, nerd!”

Lighthearted laughter followed the friendly bickering. Only Raphael remained quiet. He knew that Casey’s playful banter was just an act. His vigilante friend had told him in confidence that his and April’s relationship was not all rainbows and sunshine at the moment. And while Casey usually was not the jealous type, he had always felt a little insecure when it came to Donatello. The man knew that he was no Einstein and willingly accepted that his girlfriend was the “smart one” in their relationship. But after a couple of beers he had told Raph that he was scared to one day become boring and for April to settle for someone smarter. And Donnie was the first to come to his mind. April and him had always been close and since the turtles and the two humans had met, years had passed and Donatello was no longer a kid in April’s eyes. The turtle in red knew that his human friend felt genuinely threatened by the genius, especially now that other conflicts strained his relationship.

And even though Raphael was convinced that his friend’s fears were unjustified, he made a mental note to ask his smart brother to avoid jokes like that in the future.

After they finished dinner, Donatello cleared the table and April offered to clean the dishes. Leonardo who refused to let his guests do work like that appointed Michelangelo to do it instead. When the kitchen was cleaned up, the two scientists announced to go back to Donatello’s lab to get a few more things done. It was getting late but they seemed to be on a roll. Splinter was not here to remind his second youngest to get enough sleep and everybody knew that Leonardo was no match for Donatello’s stubbornness and his puppy dog eyes.

Raphael, too, had spent his fair share of long exhausting days and of stormy rainy nights as a mule in varied junkyards because of these honey-colored orbs. So he could not really blame his leader. But he could not help wondering if the turtle in blue also felt that Donnie’s gaze caused sparks that went straight to his belly igniting a strange fire that was hard to control. Because that was exactly what Raphael experienced recently. “Recently” meaning about half a year now. He did not really know what to make of the fact that his feelings for the family genius went beyond brotherly. Being completely honest with himself he had to admit that Donnie’s physical closeness to April during dinner had not only stoked Casey’s jealousy. Nevertheless it was Raphael who assumed the duty of distracting the man by patrolling with him as his girlfriend followed Donatello to his lab.

The “patrol” led them to April’s and Casey’s apartment after less than 45 minutes and before the red-banded turtle knew it, he was seated on the rooftop above said apartment, a beer in his hand and a distressed male human sitting and drinking next to him. Raphael sighed. No Purple Dragons bashing or Foot fighting for him tonight. Casey did not say anything. He just sat there quietly, staring at the brightly lit skyscrapers of New York that rose up into the nightly firmament, emptying middle priced beer cans.

His turtle friend had no idea what he could possible say. Of course, he knew what this was about, but he could not offer any advice on romantic relationships. The only woman he had ever had an interest in was killed before his eyes – or so he had thought back then. He remembered how delighted he had been to learn that Joy was in fact alive. He had run up to her and had… shaken her hand to greet her. Raphael had to remind himself of the situation he was currently in in order not to chuckle at this memory. The pretty blonde had been unimpressed to say the least by that rather passionless gesture. Soon after the battle against the Tengu Raphael had found that she had distanced herself from him. And while he could not deny a little disappointment, the big heartbreak never came.

And today? Of course he had made even less moves, zero to be exact, on the person that had caught his interest these days. Because it was no other than Donatello. Sweet, gentle Donatello. Donatello who did not wield authority in his voice alone like Leonardo, but if needed could cut you down with wit or sarcasm within seconds. Donatello who did not joke and prank around in a loud attention hogging manner like Michelangelo, but would catch you off guard with his dry sense of humor and deadpanning ever so often. Donatello with his soft honey-brown eyes, his beautiful olive-colored skin, his slender but well-defined physique and…

“Am I losing her?” Casey so abruptly broke the silence that Raphael jumped, spilling some of his beer.

The turtle in red cleared his throat, hoping to clear his head as well since the pictures currently possessing his mind did not help focusing on Casey’s problems at all.

“What? No!” He finally answered when his thoughts were back on track. “What makes ya even think that?”

“Well, all me and her are doing these days is fightin’” Casey answered. “While she and Don…”

“Not again, man!” Raphael interrupted him, gesturing impatiently. “We have been over this. Don ain’t banging yer girl. ‘Tis stupid ta even think that.”

“Oh really? And what was this cuddling about? And that ‘I love her’ and ‘Ya can’t have her’?”

“Jokes, Case! Ya eva heard of ‘em?”

When Casey just huffed in response and emptied his current can, Raphael continued: “Seriously, ya think two people havin’ an affair would be flirting and fondling in front of the guy who’s been cheated on? Nah, they would keep their hands of each other when they’re not alone.”

“How ya know that, Dr. Dr. Expertoncheating?” Despite already slurring heavily Casey grabbed another beer, struggling to open it. “Face it: Those two eggheads are way smarter than ya or me. Maybe they just want ya ta think that. They just act so lovebirdy that ya think they ain’t secret lovebirds because ya think secret lovebirds would keep the lovebirdyness down.”

“Okay, Case” Raph started massaging his own temples to keep the approaching headache at bay, a habit he had picked up from Donnie. “I’m sure that ain’t even real words and I don’t think that…”

“Yeah, yeah! Ya don’t think that, but those two know whatya think because they’re both geniuses. Ya and me are just normal dudes. So they just know what we’re expecting and do the opposite. That’s ‘Remorse Philosophy’”

“’Reverse Psychology’, Case!” Raphael sighed irritably but could not help thinking about his best friend’s words.  IF April and Donnie had a secret like that, they would be very clever about covering it. The behavior, the actions, even certain trains of thought of guys like Casey and himself who wore their hearts on their sleeve were easy to predict for brainiacs like them. So it was not completely impossible that they would be hiding in plain sight to nip all suspicion in the bud.

No! Raphael chided himself. This was complete bullshit. Casey was drunk and jealous which made him even less reasonable than his sober self. That meant that the turtle had to be the level-head here, even though he was not the perfect choice for this specific part.

“Okay, buddy! Time ta get up!” He announced jumping to his feet before he pulled Casey up.

Weaving slightly, Casey grabbed Raph’s shoulder for balance and made a small sound of protest. However, there was no physical resistance from the human. Whether it was due to lack of motivation or sobriety Raphael did not know or care. He was just glad to get his friend in his home without further ado. He was about to guide him to the bedroom when Casey freed himself from his grip and staggered towards the living room couch. He then fell face forward into the cushioning and started snoring almost immediately. With a sigh Raphael turned his drunk friend on his back, afraid he else might be unable to breathe freely. As a final helpful gesture he threw a blanket over Casey before leaving. Probably this was better. April was most likely home by now and having her boyfriend waking her up by stumbling into the bedroom drunk as a sailor, would most likely not help their relationship.

After an eventless patrol Raphael returned to the lair several hours later. He was not at all surprised to find the light in Donatello’s sanctuary still burning. Since he was not really tired yet himself, he decided he might as well now talk to the turtle in purple about April’s and Casey’s issues.

As he moved towards the lab, he suddenly heard muffled voices through the door that was slightly ajar. He stopped in his tracks to listen, but could not understand anything. For a moment he hesitated. Whoever the voices belonged to, they seemed to believe themselves to be alone. Getting closer without making his presence known would invade their privacy. But in the end Raphael’s curiosity got the better of him and he drew silently closer.

By the time he arrived at the door, the talking had stopped so he carefully glanced through the gap. Wide-eyed he took in the scene that unfolded in the lab. Donatello held April in his arms. By now he was slightly taller than her and she was leaning against his plastron. He was slowly stroking her back, carefully nuzzling his beak to her red hair. Finally he put his hands on her shoulder to carefully push her up, making her face him. She had her back turned on Raphael so he could not see her face but when Donatello tenderly cupped her cheek she immediately leaned into his touch. Most of the lamps were out, but the screens of the computers threw enough light on Donnie’s face for Raph to see the red mark of lipstick around his brother’s mouth. After what seemed like an eternity the genius touched April’s shoulder again and kissed her forehead.

“It is late!” He said. “I will give you a ride home!”

“Thanks, Donnie!”

“Not purely altruistic”, he smiled. “What would I do if someone kidnaps you?”

He put his arm around her again and they went for the door. Quickly Raphael moved away from the lab and sneaked into the dojo. Leaving the door open a little, he could peek through the gap and see the pair walking past him. Breathing heavily he watched them leave. When they were gone, he went to his punching bag. He could feel a frustrated scream rising up his throat. To suppress it he started hitting his punching ball and bit his lip, drawing blood. How could Donnie do that to him?  
"Casey!" Raphael had to remind himself. How could Donnie do that to Casey? To Raph himself only indirectly. But still! This could tear the group apart. April and Casey were like family and Donatello knew how important family was to Raphael. Obviously the genius did give a damn about Casey AND Raphael!  
After a while the turtle in red rested his head against his punching ball, exhausted. He did not know how long he’d been beating up the lifeless thing. All he knew was that his arms became heavy, his legs were tired and his knuckles were burning. Finally he had to accept that the workout did not help against the burning anger he felt and went to bed. After tossing and turning around for what seemed like hours sleep finally claimed him. But even in his dreams he found no peace. He was haunted and taunted by pictures of Donatello holding April in a tight embrace, kissing her passionately before throwing her on his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is merely for fun and in no way monetized.  
> The "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" do - obviously - not belong to me. They belong to Viacom, I think. I don't know for sure. Sometimes I think noone knows...
> 
> So, what do you guys and gals think?
> 
> a) Nice! I'd like to read more!  
> b) Oh my god, Calandraa, what we're you thinking? Stop it!  
> c) Pfff, I don't care. I got my own problems...
> 
> Jokes aside: I would love to hear your opinion and advice. :)


	2. Chapter 2

Donnie and April had been working in comfortable silence for a while now. The genius turtle was grateful for her help. Maybe he would have been able to do everything on his own, but he could not tell how much longer it would have taken him. Besides that he liked April’s company. She was a kindred spirit, and while he loved his brothers dearly, it sometimes bugged him to be the only one in the lair who had an interest in science. But his redheaded friend not only understood his craving for knowledge and his interest in research, she shared it. So he was very happy being able to spend some time with her.

“I cannot thank you enough, April!” Donatello could not help expressing his thoughts. “I’d be lost without you!”

“My pleasure, Donnie!” She answered. “I love working with you. No need to thank me!”

“I just want to make sure that you know how amazing you are!” He chuckled.

Unfortunately his compliment was not answered by the usual humble snicker, but a faint sniffle.

Immediately the turtle in purple turned to his friend so he could see that her shoulders were slightly shaking. She supported her right arm with her left hand, pinching her nose bridge with the other hand so that her eyes were hidden.

“April?” In the blink of an eye Donatello was by her side, his arms wrapping around her. “What is it? Did I do something wrong?”

“You?” She laughed without humor. “No! In fact, if all people in my life were like you, I’d be the happiest person on earth. Unfortunately, SOME are not!”

He hesitated. Of course he had an idea what – or better who – she was talking about. April was a close friend and he had known her for years. Of course he had noticed the changes in her behavior. She did not appear as happy and relaxed as usually. When she was with him she seemed to cheer up after a while, but there was always an underlying sadness lingering in that beautiful green eyes.

“Are we talking about Casey?” He asked carefully and she nodded.

“He can be such an idiot!” She sniffled.

“CAN be? I did not think that was optional for him…” His lame, almost desperate, attempt at a joke was rewarded with a little smile that unfortunately faded away very fast.

“He had matured so much in the last years!” She wailed. “But lately all that seems to matter to him is bashing heads, drinking beer and watching sports. As if someone had reversed a clock in his head turning him back into the bonehead I met years ago!”

“I suppose you addressed this?”

“Of course!” April stepped out of his embrace, exasperated throwing her hands in the air. “I was planning a future with him. So naturally I tried to prevent his devolvement into a Neanderthal man. But he is having none of it. I even asked him if he had commitment issues that make him – consciously or unconsciously – sabotage our relationship. He just said that I was ‘seeing things’!”

“Ehm, April?” The turtle turned her attention back to him when her rant ended. “Did you phrase it exactly that way?”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you talk about ‘commitment issues’ and used the words ‘consciously’ and ‘unconsciously’?”

For a second she looked at him with confusion, but then realization dawned on her face.

“He didn’t understand a word I was saying!” She recognized.

“That is what I think.” Donnie nodded. “But being too proud to admit this, he just dismissed it.”

She bit her lower lip, contemplating her situation.

“Is this worth it?” She finally asked. “Maybe if I had worded things differently he would have understood, but do you really think he would have admitted to being a jerk because he is afraid of emotional proximity? And even if so, what to do about it? Would Casey Jones of all people sit down with me and talk about his feelings?”

“I don’t know if he would.” The genius turtle answered truthfully. “But I know that you’d be worth it. Even though I think that you two usually complement each other, I will not stand for you giving yourself to someone who does not value you as you deserve. So, if you want my advice: Talk to him again, make him see what is at stake. And if he is not willing to fight for you, walk away! You are intelligent, educated, beautiful and a wonderful person – you deserve nothing less than being adored.”

April stared at him. Her green eyes fixated on his brown orbs. A single tear ran down her face leaving a trace of dark mascara on her cheek. Before Donatello knew it, her lips were on his and she clung to him, almost falling on him.

Too surprised to make a sound he grabbed her shoulders to stabilize her. Then he stood wide-eyed and tried to process what was happening. April O’Neil was kissing him! A couple of years ago this would have been a dream come true. It was no secret between him and his brothers that after April and himself had destroyed Stockman’s mousers, he had slowly but steadily developed a crush on the pretty computer expert. And even though that teenage infatuation had faded years ago, he could not deny his body’s reaction when the tender kiss became more insistent. Her lovely smell and the softness of her skin made him feel dizzy when she parted her lips and her tongue demanded entrance. The tingling down his spine and the stirring in his lower extremities almost made him grant it. But he stopped himself. His feelings for her had changed and he would not destroy their valuable friendship for one moment of lust. Not to mention that she was still in a relationship with Casey and due to their problems extremely vulnerable right now.

For all that reasons he gently broke the kiss and took a step back without taking his arms from her shoulders.

“April!” He whispered, not admonishing, not accusing, just saying her name to snap her out of the spell she was under.

Reluctantly she opened her eyes and blinked. After a second she started crying again.

“Oh god, Donnie!” She hid her face behind both hands. “What is WRONG with me? I am so sorry! I know that you are in…”  
“Yes.” He nodded. “And you are still in love with Casey. I mean what I said: You deserve to be held in high esteem and if he can’t do that, dump him. But though he is a bonehead, I do not think that he’d be stupid enough to let you go. Make sure he knows that he will lose you if he does not get his shit together and I think he will do whatever he can to better himself.”

With that he grabbed a paper tissue from his desk and offered it to her. Smiling she took it and fixed her make-up as best as she could.

Planning on getting April home, Donatello turned off the lights and wanted to take her hand when she fell in his arms again, this time only to hug him tight. Happy to return the friendly gesture he gently rubbed her back and nuzzled her hair before finally breaking away.

“It is late! I will give you a ride home!” He offered after a last tender kiss on her forehead.

“Thanks, Donnie!” She smiled lightly.

“Not purely altruistic”, he returned her smile. “What would I do if someone kidnaps you?”

When he finally returned from delivering her at her apartment safely, it was almost three in the morning. He was lucky that his brothers – especially Leonardo – were already asleep. He was not in the mood for a lecture. Not now and not tomorrow. For this reason he set his alarm clock to five so that it would grant him two hours of napping. He was used to little rest and could do one day without a full night’s sleep.

 

Yawning Donatello crawled out if his bed. He would have loved to sleep a few minutes more but decided against it, resisting the tempting call of his warm bedding. The plan was to get to the coffee machine as fast as possible, have his morning dose of caffeine and be wide awake and ready when training began. There was no way he was going to give Leonardo another reason for bugging him about his sleeping habits. Of course the turtle in blue meant well and Donatello deeply respected his dedication for his family but sometimes he could be a little overbearing, making Donnie feel like a child. Determined to get his oldest brother to worry less with a good performance during training the genius made his way to the bathroom. After his morning rituals he went for the kitchen.

Disappointed he noticed the scraping noise of a chair being pulled along the kitchen floor and he sighed. Obviously he had not managed to be up before Leonardo. Bracing himself to be questioned about last night he entered the kitchen.

His breath hitched and his heart jumped as he did not encounter Leonardo. Instead he spotted the muscular tall figure of Raphael who was already balancing a bowl of cereal, a coffee mug and the sugar pot, yet was additionally fishing the milk carton out of the refrigerator, being too lazy and too stubborn to put his stuff on the kitchen table first.

Donatello gulped. For a few month now he had noticed how the strong friendship he felt for his brother in red had developed into something even deeper. He longed to be near Raphael as much as possible, just to feel an embarrassing heat rising when he managed to get close to him. It went as far as being positively excited when the hothead’s shellcycle suffered damages because it would lead to the two of them spending time together repairing the machine. So far it did not affect his ability to focus. Whenever he knew he was going to see Raphael, he took a deep breath, calmed himself down and faced the situation. But now? He was tired and he had absolutely not expected to walk into his brother. Taken by surprise he blushed and for a while just stood there and stared.

Finally Raph had managed to fish the carton out of the refrigerator and Donatello remembered where he was and why he came here.

“L…let me!” He stuttered hurrying to help the older turtle.

Startled the emerald-skinned turtle almost dropped his baggage but caught it at the last moment. He fixated Donatello with this golden eyes of his, effectively freezing the genius in place.

“S…sorry, Raph”, he stuttered sheepishly. “I did not mean to…”

“Fawget it! S‘Awright” The hothead answered in an icy voice. Taken aback by that Donatello hesitated for a moment. But then he walked over to the refrigerator.

“I can close the…”

But Raphael gave the door a powerful kick, slamming it shut. Rattling and clinking the bottles in the door collided, miraculously without any of them breaking.

“Is everything alright?” Donatello wanted to know.

“Peachy!” Raphael put the food and drinks on the table before seating himself.

“Okay, it is just that you are up early even though you were patrolling last night!” The genius for a moment turned his back to Raphael to activate the coffee maker.

“I slept just fine!”

“Tha… that’s good!”

The next minutes they did not speak, the awkward silence between the turtles overcast by the noises of the coffee machine. When his mug was filled, Donatello took a seat next to his brother who ignored him. His eyes were fixed on the table while he dully shoveled in his breakfast.

“Sooo”, the turtle in purple tried to initiate a dialog again. “When did you come home last night?”

“Did not check the time.”

Donatello furrowed his brow ridge. Neither he nor Raphael were morning persons but usually they talked over breakfast, enjoying each other’s company. The genius was bothered by his brother’s taciturn behavior.

“Are you sure that everything is okay?” He asked again. “You know you can talk to me, if…”

He stopped himself when the hothead finally lifted his head and slowly turned his gaze towards him. Raphael’s golden eyes pierced right through him.

“I am fine, Donatello!” He said coldly, uncharacteristically using his brother’s full name. “Aren’t ya s’pposed ta be highly intelligent? Why do I havta repeat maself for ya ta get it?”

“Sorry…” Donnie whispered before he lowered his gaze and started looking at his hand.

He could feel his older brother staring at him, but dared not to look up again. After long seconds Raphael left the table. Noisily he put his dishes in the sink and went through the door.

Only when he could not hear the hothead’s steps anymore, Donnie lifted his eyes. An overwhelming feeling of helplessness and sadness rolled over him like a huge wave of cold water. There was no doubt that Raph was not only in a bad mood caused by lack of sleep. His anger was directed at Donatello personally. But why? The genius highly doubted that his brother would be so hostile because he accidentally had startled him when he walked into the kitchen. The wheels in Donatello’s head started to turn. There had been no incident that could have caused this. He was sure he did not damage his brother’s motorcycle even though it was harder for him to focus when Raph was near because…

His train of thought stopped. His heart dropped. Breathing became harder. What if his red-banded brother had noticed what was going on? Raphael was a lot smarter than he may seem at first glance. For sure he must have noticed that Donatello harbored feelings for him that went much further than a brotherly affection. And now he was appalled and that was his way of telling Donnie to keep away from him. Maybe he would never want anything to do with him again. The mere thought drove tears into the genius’ eyes and he hurried to put away the milk and the sugar. After that he took his coffee and fled to his lab. But even tinkering with his machine did not distract him enough and when Leo called his brothers for training the genius had to wipe away the tears.

When his brothers entered the dojo, Raphael was already there and had started to stretch. Donnie carefully set his foot in the room, trying to avoid getting his hotheaded brother’s attention. After a moment Mikey bounced in, directly followed by Leo.

Shyly Donatello looked at Raph, but when the turtle in red threw an icy glare at him and narrowed his eyes, the genius immediately turned his gaze away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I personally never saw any romance between Don and April in TMNT 2003 some people claim that there was some chemistry that went beyond platonic. I always thought of it as a deep friendship based on shared interests and mutual respect, BUT since I do not feel that it completely messes with the canon to assume that he had a little teenage crush on her, I sprinkled that in because it seemed fitting in this scene.
> 
> Feedback is welcome. Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

In their father’s absence it was Leonardo’s duty to oversee training as well as pairing his brothers and himself for sparring.

Leonardo and Raphael always showed to be the greatest challenges and therefor best learning opportunity for each other. But the younger brothers were closing in.

They both could not beat Leonardo, but on days where Michelangelo was focused enough he stood a chance against his brother in red. Especially when Raphael was in a bad mood which made him an easy target for the youngest’ taunting. This strategy almost never worked on Leonardo and definitely never on Donatello.

The smart turtle would keep a defensive stance while Mikey jumped around provoking deaf ears and looking for an opening that would not present itself. After a while the turtle in orange would become sloppy and Donatello’s patience would be rewarded with a weakness in his younger brother’s defense.

Then again, Donatello could not dream about winning against Raphael. Unlike Mikey the tallest of the turtles would not play around, wasting time with tactical feints or taunting words. Against a physical weaker opponent – which Donatello was – he would just charge. While Donatello’s few but well placed hits would break Michelangelo’s focus, Raphael’s determination and stubbornness allowed him to ignore the pain of the bo’s blows. And being less fast than the turtle in orange Donatello would fail at dodging most of the time and find himself on the dojo’s floor beneath Raphael within seconds after the fight started.

Leonardo smiled. Donatello beat Mikey. Mikey (sometimes) beat Raphael. Raphael always beat Donnie. It was like an unstable game of “Rock, Paper, Scissors”.

However, before their departure Master Splinter had told Leonardo that he was under the impression Raphael would go unusually easy on Donatello lately. The leader himself could neither deny nor confirm it. When he was not in charge, he was of course focused on his own sparring partner instead of the other pair. He knew that on the long run it would not do the genius any good to be handled with kid’s gloves. So today Leonardo gestured to Raphael and Donatello to fight each other and told Mikey to wait so the leader could observe the middle brothers’ match.

Immediately the blue-banded turtle noticed that something about the two was off. Usually they stood close to each other, either talking mechanics or Donnie spotting Raph while the turtle in red lifted weights. Today they stood on the opposite sides of the dojo. Any other day the hothead would give Donnie a cocky smile before the match, normally answered by a raised brow ridge from the genius while getting in position. Now Raphael wore a determined look on his face, his mouth a grim line whereas Donnie barely met his older brother’s eyes, only lifting his gaze for the formal greeting.

The match started.

The good news was that Splinter’s worry about Raphael going too easy on Donatello was absolutely unjustified. A millisecond after the sign was given the red-banded turtle stormed towards the genius who barely dodged. The vicious blow missed the smart turtle by a hair's breadth. He tried to take advantage of standing side wards of his brother and to attack his opponent’s flank. As expected his blow landed perfectly. Also expected was that Raphael just gritted his teeth, flinching a bit, otherwise staying unaffected. Quickly the hothead spun around, dropped his sai and grabbed his brother’s bo with both hands. Before Donatello could process what was happening, Raphael pulled roughly at the weapon causing the genius to tumble towards him. Donatello tried to spin the bo out of his brother’s grip but before he could, Raphael’s right foot shot up and crashed into the genius’ plastron, stealing his air. With a breathless sound of pain Donatello sank to his knees, gasping.

Leonardo rushed towards him to help him up when to his horror he saw that Raphael was not done with Donnie. The turtle in red let go of the staff, used one hand to grab the genius’ shoulder, the other to reach behind his neck, before knocking him from his kneeling position to lying flat on the ground. When he let go of Donnie, it seemed like he was ready to let the smart turtle go. But then – to add insult to injury – he fast as lightning retrieved the bo and held the smart turtle down by pressing his own weapon against his throat.

“That is enough, Raphael!” Leonardo arrived, Michelangelo hot on his heels, and pulled the hothead away from Donnie, causing the bo to land clattering on the floor next to Donnie.

“What? That is a sparring match not a tea party!” The scolded turtle growled.

The leader was furious. With Raphael for hurting Donnie and with himself for not protecting the genius. He should have read the signs in his immediate younger brother’s behavior and NOT let him spar with Donnie.

“The match was over, Raph!” He shouted.

“Oh really? I did not hear the genius yield!”

“Dude, he could barely breathe!” Michelangelo chimed in. “How you expect him to yield?”

Raphael was about to retort when they heard Donatello’s soft voice.

“Mikey, Leo! He is right!” Gratefully he accepted the hand the oldest offered him to help him up. “I did not yield and in the heat of the moment Raph probably could not recognize my problems.”

Leonardo narrowed his eyes but nodded. With one final glare in Raphael’s direction he said: “Training is off for now. Mikey, don’t get your hopes up, we will spare later. For now I will see to Donnie in the infirmary. I do not trust him to take as good care of himself as of us.”

He emphasized the last part, hoping to stir some guilt in Raphael for hurting the most selfless member of the team so unnecessarily. To no avail if he read the hothead’s expression correctly.

“I am fine!” Donnie said quietly. “I am not that fragile!”

“Could have fooled me!” Raphael spat nastily before heading to the workbench.

Leonardo and Michelangelo braced themselves for a sharp retort from the genius undoubtedly resulting in a fight. But Donatello remained silent. With a subdued look towards the floor he walked out of the dojo. The oldest and the youngest exchanged a confused look. Donnie was a very gentle soul but it was not like him to be used as a punching ball, literally and emotionally, and just take it. Finally Michelangelo shrugged helplessly and Leonardo hurried out of the dojo to catch up with Donatello.

The genius was already out of sight and Leo finally found him in the garage working under the truck.

“I said ‘infirmary’, Don!” He admonished his younger brother, feeling a little weird talking to the olive skinned pair of legs that stuck out under the vehicle.

“I am okay, Leo!” He heard Donnie sigh. “No fractures, no bleeding and my breathing is back to normal. There is nasty bruise on my shoulder and probably on the skin under my plastron that I will feel for a few days but no lasting damage.”

“Can I at least have a look?” Leonardo changed his tactic by pleading instead of demanding and it worked.

Sighing again Donnie appeared from under the truck and obediently turned his shoulders to his leader for him to check the bruises.

“He got you pretty good!”

“I’ll live!”

“Why didn’t you fight back, Donnie?”

“Are you kidding me?” The genius turned to face his oldest brother, a mocking look on his face. “He is Raph and I am me. I do not stand a chance against him. If he wants to mop the floor with me, he does!”

“I meant the situation after the fight, when he insulted you.” Leonardo clarified. “But while we are speaking about it: Do you have any idea why he would WANT to mop the floor with you?”

Facing an adversary Donatello was a pretty good liar. He even had outsmarted Zixx, a notorious criminal and professional liar. But lying to his brothers was a skill Donatello had yet to master. Not only did they know him very well, it was also his that loyalty made him feel guilty when he deceived his family. And that guilt showed on his face. Like now.

“I have no idea!” He said, trying hard to hold his brother’s gaze. “One of his moods, I guess. And regarding your first question: I did not see any use in provoking him further when he obviously had too much aggressive energy anyway.”

Leonardo said nothing, finally deciding to let the genius of the hook for now.

“Alright!” The leader nodded. “I will leave you to your work. But take it easy and immediately call for help if you feel dizzy or nauseous!”

“I did not hit my head, Leo!” Donnie gave him small smile before his upper body disappeared under the truck again.

“Please?”

“If I do not feel well, I will let you know!” The turtle in purple promised and Leonardo could only hope he did not just say it to ease his older brother’s mind.

He went back to the dojo, hoping to be more successful in questioning Raphael. But upon hearing the hothead’s growling and Mikey’s chattering voice, he stayed outside, peeking around the corner. As in a match the youngest was pretty good at pushing Raphael’s buttons when trying to get information. And since Mikey already had Raph snarling at him, he might be close to getting him to snap and tell what was going on.

“I am just saying”, Mikey told his brother in red. “Donnie was not only physically hurting, he seemed pretty down after you clobbered him.”

“Well, I am sorry!” Raphael snarled, sarcasm dropping from his lips. “You are right. Soft and tender touches are MUCH better to simulate a fight with the foot!”

“That is not what I meant and you know it! But you did not have to be so brutal AFTER he was beaten and not so cruel!”

“Sure!” Raphael grumbled. “I am the cruel one…”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing!”

“Didn’t sound like nothing!”

“Get lost!”

“Not until you tell me what Donnie…”

“If Donnie is so heartbroken over a little beating” Raphael finally snapped and yelled at Mikey. “He can just call on his girlfriend and bend her over his desk to cheer him up.”

“Hmm, Donnie is not the type to bend someone over a desk.” Mikey pondered. “I think he is more the type who likes to BE bend over a desk… or pinned down on a bed or pushed against the wall or… Wait! What girlfriend?”

Raphael just stared at the youngest, a look on his face that Leonardo never had seen before.

“Hello?” Mikey waved his hands before the red-banded turtle’s face. “Earth to Raphie! What girlfriend?”

“Leave me alone!” The bulky turtle pushed his younger brother aside, leaving no doubt about the end of the conversation.

Leonardo quickly took a few steps back to walk towards the dojo when his immediate younger brother stormed out. The leader pretended to be coming from the garage just now, expecting the hothead to at least ask about the genius’ well-being, but the turtle in red just brushed past him without any word.

Shaking his head, Leonardo watched him hurry up the stairs. What had he been talking about? Donatello? A girlfriend? Sure, Donnie always had proofed to have a special touch when it came to dealing with the fair sex. But besides April he never showed any interest in a woman they had met. The red-headed scientist also was the only female Donnie saw on a regular basis. And though Leonardo had noticed a strain in Casey’s and April’s relationship lately, he knew that Don’s infatuation for April had faded long ago. Besides that, the genius was too honorable to make a move on a woman that was with another man.

Leonardo shook his head. It was impossible for Don to maintain a relationship without his brothers noticing it. Further he had no reason to hide it. The leader was a 100 percent sure that Donnie had no girlfriend. Raphael for some reason believed otherwise, but was that the reason he was so upset? And if not, then what was it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always feedback is very welcome!


	4. Chapter 4

Once more, Michelangelo had managed to infuriate him by his annoying insistence up to the point where Raphael snapped and revealed more of himself than he wanted.

“If Donnie is so heartbroken over a little beating” He yelled. “He can just call on his girlfriend and bend her over his desk ta cheer him up.”

“Hmm, Donnie is not the type to bend someone over a desk.” Mikey contemplated, chin in his hand. “I think he is more the type who likes to BE bend over a desk… or pinned down on a bed or pushed against the wall or… Wait! What girlfriend?”

Raphael completely ignored his brother’s question. He just stared at him.

The picture of Donnie holding April down faded from his mind, replaced immediately by one of Donatello being pushed against his own workbench, being bend over, being held in place, his wrists held together above his head by a strong emerald-skinned hand while the second hand…

“Hello! Earth to Raphie!” Michelangelo’s hand waved only inches away from Raphael’s when the latter snapped out of his thoughts. “What girlfriend?”

“Leave me alone!” Harder than he intended and the youngest deserved, he pushed Michelangelo away, storming out of the dojo, just in time to see Leonardo, obviously having enough of fussing over poor Donnie. Wordless he hurried past him and went to his room, locking the door.

 

For the next couple of days Raphael spent most of his free time in his room. Once more he had excused himself after training to brood in his hammock. He did not know how long he had been lying there, staring at the ceiling, when he heard a faint knocking at his door. Reluctantly he got up and opened the door. Half expecting Leonardo he growled when he saw Donatello looking up at him, deep brown eyes pleading.

“Can I come in?” He asked softly.

Wordlessly Raphael stepped aside, gesturing the genius to come in. Donatello took the silent offer and stopped at the center of his older brother’s room. With a shy expression he turned around, carefully meeting the hothead’s eyes. Determined not to be drawn in by the genius’ gentle charms, Raphael hardened his gaze.

“Whatya want?” He asked coldly, closing the door.

“Apologize.” Donnie said. “I know that you are mad but I cannot help my feelings. I will however do anything to suppress them and I will not act on them.”

Raphael narrowed his eyes. How did Donatello know that he knew? But then again, he WAS after all a genius. It must have been clear to his quick mind that his brother’s anger not coincidentally flared right after his encounter with April. That probably was why he had asked when Raphael had returned home.

“Look” The genius continued. “I cannot take it anymore. For days you…”

“Are ya outta your mind, Donatello?” Raphael roared, making Donnie take a step back. “Ya really think an apology would do? The harm is done, ain’t it?”

“Yes, but…”

“But what, genius? Ya want praise fer showing a minimum of honor? Not acting on this feelings is the least ya can do!”

With each second the hothead’s voice grew louder, making Donnie’s shoulders shake. The smart turtle looked pretty miserable, but Raphael suppressed any compassion with the power of his fury. Fury he felt for Casey’s sake, of course. He kept telling himself that again and again.

“Raphie”, Donatello pleaded. “Please listen! I understand why you would be appalled…”

“Appalled?” The turtle in red was now fully giving in to his rage, not only not caring if he hurt his brother, but in fact aiming to do so. “I am disgusted! Ya disgust me!”

He pointed his fingers at Donnie before opening the door. Then he grabbed the smaller turtle’s arm, pulling him to the entrance. A quick shove against the his plastron caused the genius to hiss in pain, probably due to his injury he suffered during their last sparring match, and made him stumble out of the room.

“Raph, please!” Donnie begged. “Can’t we at least…”

The hothead no longer heard him. He slammed the door shut in his brother’s face, turning his attention to his punching bag.

 

For the rest of the day he did not see Donatello, not even for lunch. And obviously no one else did either because when the genius did not appear for dinner, too, Leonardo went to get him. Raphael told himself that he did not care if the genius skipped another meal. If he wanted to starve himself, Raph would not stop him.

After a while Leonardo reappeared looking frustrated. Raphael pretended not to notice and to be caught up in the newspaper’s sport section.

“Mikey!” The leader drew his youngest brother’s attention from the latest issue of ‘Silver Sentry’. “Can you talk to Don?”

“I know I can because I have done it before!” Mikey grinned.

“Very funny! Please be serious. Something is wrong but he won’t tell me. I thought you could…”

“…trick him into talking by using my radical manipulation powers?”

“…use your extraordinary empathy to sooth him and convince him that it will help him to open up about his problems!” Leonardo insisted.

“Same thing!” Mikey smirked. “Mine’s just more honest.”

“Maybe, but please do it!”

“You sure? Sometimes it is better to leave him alone!” The turtle in orange tried to calm Leo down. “Maybe he just ran into a dead end with one of his experiments.”

“That usually does not make him cry!” Leonardo said dryly.

Immediately Mikey’s smile gave way for a look of concern and compassion. No longer able to convince himself that he did not care for Donatello, Raphael looked up, too.

“He is crying?” Michelangelo asked worriedly.

“Well, he tried to hide it!” The leader answered. “But not very successful. He did not hear me coming so I was already standing next to him when he wiped his eyes – which by the way were pretty red.”

“I’ll go!” Mikey said, now wearing a serious expression. “But he should eat, too!”

He quickly prepared a sandwich for his genius brother before leaving for the lab.

Leonardo cast him a grateful smile, watching him walk out of the kitchen. Then he sat down at the table to make himself a sandwich, too, but when it was done, he only stared at it.

“Do you know what might be bothering Don?” He finally asked, looking at Raph.

The addressed turtle returned his gaze for a second and shrugged: “Nope!”

“Please think about it. Maybe about what happened when you two sparred? Was there anyth..”

“Fer fuck’s sake, fearless!” Raphael roared. “I do not know what kinda geek trauma the brainiac is suffering from!”

“Geek trauma?!” Leonardo raised his voice, too. “That is how you think? I thought you held Don in higher regard.”

“Yeah, well, tough rocks! I don’t care!” The red-banded turtle tried hard to convince Leonardo AND himself, failing miserably at both fronts.

“What is going on, Raph? We are talking about our little brother! We always have his back. YOU always have his back. You collected more bruises protecting him than on single runs or patrols with Casey. And now Don is crying in his lab and you don’t care? You want me to believe that?”

“No, I don’t!” The hothead jumped up, causing his chair to fall in the process. “Because I also don’t care what ya believe. Ya wanna keep guessing what is going on in poor Donnie’s pretty head? Be ma guest. But I’m outta here.”

“Pretty head?” Leo raised a brow ridge and Raph froze for a second.

“Fuck ya, fearless!” He snarled at last. With that he grabbed the remains of his sandwich and stormed out of the kitchen.

The last thing Raphael heard before he closed the dojo’s door was Leonardo’s voice, calling out: “No eating in the dojo!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is welcome!


	5. Chapter 5

Raphael kept flinging insults at him and Donatello wanted the floor to open and swallow him. He barely registered that his older brother grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the door. It was not before the hothead harshly pushed him out of his room that the genius was pulled out of his trance by the stabbing pain that reminded him of the bruise he had taken a few days ago.

“Raph, please!” Donnie begged. “Can’t we at least…”

But Raphael just slammed the door shut, no longer listening to Donatello.

“…still be friends?” Sighing Donnie finished his sentence quietly only to himself.

Feeling beaten, tired and – above all – incredible alone, he shuffled to the garage. Since the infamous sparring match he had not been able to focus for long (or very well for that matter) so the upgrades for the truck still weren’t done. But when he entered the garage, the first thing his eyes fell on was Raphael’s shellcycle.

He remembered his older brother’s delighted reaction when he had gifted it to him. How Raphael’s eyes had sparkled, how he had looked at Donatello with a mixture of admiration and gratefulness and how he had for days told everyone he knew that Donnie was a genius AND the best brother ever. Usually a goofy smile would blossom on the smart turtle’s face whenever this memory came to his mind. But now, knowing that Raphael would probably never look at him like that again, never speak of him in such praising manner, the memory was what broke the dam.

Unable to hold the tears any longer he turned his back to the truck, fell against it and slid down towards the floor. He put his head on his knees and let the tears flow. Unsure how long he had been sitting there, he finally decided to at least be productive. He could very well get some things done AND wallow in his pain.

So he got up starting to work, even if not on the truck as he had planned. Instead he turned to some harmless private projects where a lack of concentration would not endanger his brothers, but at worst would lead to him having to start over. So he spent several hours tinkering and researching until his phone rang. Looking at the display he sighed. April! She probably wanted to talk about what happened a few nights ago. Even though he really wanted to know if she was feeling better, he had decided to give her time and instead of calling her had waited for her to do so. But right now was not a good time. Then again, he was too worried that she might be in a bad place – still or again – and he could not bring himself to ignore or dismiss the call. So he answered the phone.

“April! Hello!” He greeted her as casual as he could manage.

_“Hi, Donnie! I am sorry that I did not call earlier. I needed some time.”_

“I understand” He assured her. “How are you?”

 _“Better”_ , she said. _“Not good, but better. Look, I am so sorry…”_

“You apologized a 1000 times that night, April!” He said softly. “I am not mad. You were hurt and…”

 _“…not thinking clearly!”_ she chuckled. _“Thanks for stopping me!”_

“Of course!”

_“Don’t be too humble, Donnie. There are a lot of guys out there who would have taken advantage of me. But not you. Always the gentleman!”_

Donnie swallowed. He could not help but wonder what would happen if April did now what she had done that night. Now he was as hurt as she was. Would he still be gentleman enough to react as he had? Or would he grab the chance to forget for a while and just take her?

Lost in that thought he had remained silent too long for comfort and he heard concern in April’s voice as she asked: _“Donnie? Are you there?”_

“I am here!” He rasped.

_“Are you okay?”_

“Yes!” He said that a little too fast and he knew it.

 _“Donnie?”_ She admonished. _“What is wrong?”_

He bit his lip, determined to let no more tears gather in his eyes.

“Raph”, he finally whispered. “He knows!”

_“He knows what?”_

“How I feel about him! And he hates me!”

 _“He could never hate you, Donnie!”_ April stated. _“When did you tell him?”_

“I didn’t! He figured it out himself and now he…”

 _“He.Does.Not.Hate.You.”_ She insisted. _“You probably both were overchallenged and misunderstood each other.”_

“He said I was disgusting, April!” Donnie choked on a suppressed sob. “That leaves not much room for interpretation!”

 _“HE WHAT???”_ April yelled into the phone, making her friend jump and flinch. _“I will come over and…”_

“No, April, please don’t!” The genius pleaded. “I appreciate your concern but if you antagonize him, he will only get angrier and any chance of normalization will move away even further.”

The line fell silent for a few moments.

 _“Fine!”_ April finally agreed. _“But I can’t give any guarantees for the next time I meet him face to face!”_

“Better than nothing, I guess.” He chuckled despite himself. “Sooo, you said you were better, but not good. What…”

 _“Oh no!”_ She interrupted him. _“I had my self-pity party! It’s time I get myself together. Now it’s your turn!”_

“To have a self-pity party?” He dead-panned.

 _“No, wise guy!”_ She snickered. _“I mean, I should help you for a change. What can I do?”_

Donatello smiled despite the grave situation his feelings had catapulted him in. No matter what happened, he could always count on April. Maybe he SHOULD have kissed her back and have eloped with her. He chuckled at this thought.

_“Donnie? What’s so funny?”_

“Nothing” He said. “I was just thinking how good it is to have a friend like you! But honestly: Right now there is not much you can do. Before anything can be done, Raph has to able to breathe the same air as I without wanting to punch me. I guess only time can do that. And I have to get over my feelings for him to act normal around him so I won’t weird him out. Well, not more than I already have.”

_“If you ever need some space, you can always come over for a few days!”_

“Thanks, April! I might take you up on that if things get to bad here.”

_“Okay, call me if you need anything!”_

“Will do! But I need to go back to work now!”

_“Bye, Donnie!”_

The call ended and Donatello felt slightly better. Nothing had changed really but knowing that he could hide at April’s when needed, eased his mind. It was only his last resort because he knew from experience that he missed his brothers dearly whenever they were apart for more than one or two days. Besides that he would have to come up with a good excuse for leaving. Needing some distance between Raphael and himself to get over his inappropriate romantic and sexual feelings for his own brother was nothing he wanted to share with his family.

Just now he started thinking about the possible consequences of Raphael telling the rest of the family. Would they turn away from him? No, they would not. Raphael was angry now but there was no way Leo, Mikey or their father would disown Donatello for feelings he could not help having. But maybe Master Splinter would send him away even further than to April’s, hoping distance would make the feelings disappear. Right now though it felt as if he could never stop loving Raphael.

On first sight the brain and the muscle of the group did not have much in common. But they shared an interest in mechanics and sports. Sure, Raph watched sports for the action and Donnie for tactics and statistics but it was something they enjoyed together. And sometimes they would just talk about everything and nothing. Exchanging views on different topics, finding each other’s perspective insightful. When they disagreed – which happened surprisingly seldom – they did so respectfully.

There was no denying that they were very different but these differences did not push them apart. Quite the opposite: Raph had troubles controlling his emotions. Donatello’s gentle and peaceful nature helped soothing his nerves when he was on edge. And once he calmed down, Donnie would listen patiently and give advice, helping his hotheaded brother to word his feelings. Being able to express his emotions was the best way to get them out without breaking things.

Donatello often overthought things. He tended to get lost in a web of considerations, complicating things unnecessarily. When he caught himself doing that, a little game of “What would Raphie do?” most of the times helped him to focus on the essential things, cutting of the distracting branches of thought his ever eager mind had let grow. Donnie chuckled. Other scientists used “Ockham’s Razor”, he had “Raph’s sai”.

The hothead was his pillar of strength, his rock against the waves. Even though both Leonardo and Raphael had always protected their younger brothers, Donnie felt always a tad saver with the latter. Maybe it was the taller, more muscular build of the second oldest, maybe it was the no nonsense attitude of the Alpha male or maybe it was the way the red-banded turtle said “I got your back, Donnie-boy!” during a mission or a fight in that deep self-confident voice. It had always been that way. But during the last months desire had been added to the feeling of trust and loyalty and the love he felt for the hothead had turned from brotherly to romantically. The wish for these strong arms to snake around his body grew stronger with every second, the daydreams of being pulled into a passionate kiss became more frequent and the urge to give himself to Raphael was ever present. Knowing that he would never have that was bad enough but the thought of losing what he already shared with his brother was devastating. And even though the talk with April had helped, every now and then Donnie would think about this loss and would be shaken by tears for a moment.

Unfortunately it was one of those moments that Leonardo chose to sneak up on him. Even though it had probably not been the leader’s intention to surprise his brother. It was just that silence was so ingrained in the blue-banded turtle’s being that quiet movement came to him effortless. Plus, Donatello had been distracted. He was sitting at his computer doing some research which was currently interrupted by his sad thoughts and the desperate attempt not to cry anymore.

“Don? What’s wrong?”

The genius almost fell of the chair when Leonardo’s voice suddenly sounded right next to him.

“For the love of…” He gasped. Thinking quickly he pretended to casually run his hand over his face when in fact he wiped away his tears. “Is there a reason to give me a heart attack, Leo?”

“It’s dinnertime!” Leo answered. “You already missed lunch so I came to get you. But dinner can wait for a minute. What is wrong?”

“Why do you think something is wrong?” Donnie tried to sound as surprised as possible, while he faked searching for something in his desk’s drawer to avoid his leader’s eyes.

“Because you are crying, Don!” Leo stated matter-of-factly. “You wouldn’t if everything was right.”

“Don’t be silly, Leo!” Donnie now dared looking at the oldest, trying for his best reassuring smile. “I just stared at my screen for too long, hence the red eyes.”

“Don, there were tears on your face.”

“You know how I am, Leo! I got so engrossed that I did not register the burning in my eyes. I did not give them a rest when I should have and they started to water.”

“Donatello!” Leo’s use of his brother’s full name was a sure sign that he got tired of this game. “You might be a genius but I am not stupid either. If you really think I would buy that, you are insulting my intelligence!”

The turtle in purple bit his lip. Usually these words would make him give in. The last thing he wanted was his brothers to believe that he thought they were stupid. To avoid hurting them was one of his top priorities. But right now he did not have it in him to share his turmoil with Leo just to make the leader feel better.

“Okay, Leo,” He retorted. “Let’s say you are right. Let’s say – hypothetically – I was crying and now I try to hide it with lies. In that case it would be obvious that would not want to talk about it. Should you not respect my wishes? Hypothetically?”

Leonardo irritated expression faded. Instead a look of concern spread across his face.

“But shouldn’t you if something – hypothetically – bothered you enough to make you cry, be smart enough to allow me to help you? Talking about it could make you feel better. Hypothetically.”

“Believe me when I say that neither my actual nor my hypothetical self have anything to share with you!” The words came out a little harsher than Donnie had intended, but they made Leonardo back off.

“As you wish!” He said, his face inscrutable which left Donatello wondering whether it was hurt or anger his big brother was hiding. He hoped for the latter.

“So, how about dinner?” The turtle in blue asked casually, earning a headshake from the genius.

“I am not very hungry and I am kind of busy here. Maybe I will have a midnight snack later.”

Leonardo furrowed his eye ridges, but said no more. Nodding he left the smart turtle to his work. Once the door was closed, Donnie let out a sigh of relief. Ignoring the guilt for giving Leo that undeserved dressing-down, he was just glad for be alone again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and feedback are welcome. Feel also free to let me know if you find grammar or spelling errors. Again: me = no-native speaker confused by comma rules. If some sentences seem weird to you, please tell me as well. Maybe I used a wrong term or something.


	6. Chapter 6

Usually Raphael found an outlet for his emotional turmoil by taking his mood out on his punching ball. But despite beating it until the green skin on his knuckles turned red, he did not feel better or calmer. He did not want to care about Donatello anymore. The genius’ heart belonged to someone else AND he was stealing his best friend’s woman. But protecting Donnie was so innate to Raphael that the thought of the smart turtle crying by himself in his lab tug at his heart against his will.

With a frustrated grunt he gave the punching bag a last blow before storming out of the lair, heading topside. After leaving the sewers he leaned against the cold stone of the wall in the narrow side street. The cool night air calmed him down a little bit. Nevertheless there was still a high amount of anger that he needed to let out. But where could he possible go? Punching purple dragons on his own was too dangerous. Going to Casey held the risk that his friend would notice something was off. Casey might not be the smartest cookie in the jar but his insight in people was not to be underestimated. And what could Raph tell him when he asked what was wrong? “I have the hots for my own brother – too bad he prefers doing the dirty with your girlfriend” would probably put a damper on the mood.

Casey sure had his flaws but he was a good guy and did not deserve to be cheated on. What was Donnie thinking? Or April?

April! Raphael gritted his teeth. She needed a piece of his mind, too. Not only was she a welcome outlet for his anger, he also needed to make sure she knew that Donnie would no longer be available as a romantic partner. Maybe things could be fixed. Donatello had promised to ignore his feelings for April and as far as Raphael knew there were no other candidates for her attention. So if Casey could find out why April was no longer happy and do something about it, things could get back to normal without Casey ever knowing what happened between his girlfriend and the genius turtle. Of course, April needed to be on board for that.

Taking a deep breath Raphael ran up the wall, pushed himself towards the emergency ladder of the nearby house, grabbed the ladder and pulled himself up. With a few fast steps he was on the top of the building. Jumping from rooftop to rooftop he made his way to April’s apartment. The “Thieves’ Highway” took him to his destination fast and soon he was knocking on her living room’s window.

The only light he saw was the flickering of the TV screen but shortly after his tapping he saw a figure crossing the room and soon the ceiling lamp was switched on. April, dressed in her pajamas, stood near the light switch, narrowing her eyes to see who was sitting at her fire escape. When she recognized the turtle in red, she furrowed her brows, pressed her lips together and walked towards the window with determined steps. Quickly she opened it, grabbed Raphael’s arm and pulled him in. Due to his disadvantageous position and his surprise he fell face first into her apartment.

Looking up in disbelief he stared at her. With her left hand on her hips and her right hand pointing at his face she glared down on him, hissing: “You! How dare you talk to Donnie like that?”

“What?” This was not going as planned. Raphael wanted to yell at April, not the other way around. But he needed a moment to sort himself out.

“I called him today, but even through the phone I could hear he was not really himself.” She said. “Didn’t take much digging to get him to tell me what is wrong. How dare you judge him for his feelings?”

Recovered from April’s surprise attack, Raphael got back to his feet. Mirroring her anger he scowled at her. But even though he assumed that she would not talk so loud if her boyfriend would be here, he wanted to make sure before saying what he wanted to say.

“Casey here?” He asked.

“No, he is watching some stupid hockey game with friends at the sports bar!” She waved her hand dismissively. “But before you go patrolling, with or without him, you have to answer to me for…”

“ME answer ta YA?” Raphael growled. “Ya want me ta answer to ya for being rude when yer cheating on my best friend?”

“Wh…what?” His accusation had silenced her but she seemed to be more confused than guilty.

“Ya heard me, lady!” The turtle in red was determined not to be fooled by some female mind tricks. “Ya and Don had a pretty good time and I gave him ma opinion on that. Ya will not turn that back ta me!”

“Wait a minute!” She made a calming gesture with her hands. “You think I have an affair with Donnie? That I am sleeping with him?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it was just a nice make out session between the two of ya after pizza night but lipstick marks don’t lie, right?”

For a moment she seemed to be looking through him, obviously thinking, before realization visibly set in.

“Well”, she stated. “In this particular case they do.”

“What’s that supposed ta mean?” He narrowed his eyes, still firm in his unforgiving stand.

“You are right!” She admitted, finally a guilty expression on her face. “I kissed Don.”

Raphael was about to say some words of bitter triumph when another gesture of her hand stopped him.

“ _I_ kissed HIM. And yes, I was willing to go further at this moment. But he stopped me – and I will forever be grateful to him for that.”

“What?” Raph asked in a hoarse voice. His heart dropped and he suddenly found it hard to think.

“I was not thinking clearly that night.” She continued, unaware of her turtle friend’s state. “I love Casey but all our problems came crashing down on me and Donnie was so understanding, so gentle, so…”

“…so Donnie!” Raphael whispering finished her sentence.

She nodded with a smile and chuckled: “Yes, so Donnie! But instead of taking advantage of me he stopped me from making the biggest mistake of my life: cheating on Casey. And it was only that one time, Raphael! Far from an affair!”

“I have to talk to Donnie!” Raphael headed towards the window.

“Yes, you have!” April nodded, not without warning him: “But don’t forget to be careful in your hurry!”

He nodded. After talking to her, Raphael felt bad for her, too. She was a good person and for her to kiss another man must have meant that she was in an extremely fragile state. But his focus was on Donatello and on fixing things with him. Nevertheless his voice was soft and forgiving when he answered: “I will! Good night, April!”

With that the red-banded turtle climbed out of the window and all but flew over the rooftops of New York to get to the sewer entrance closest to his family’s lair. Putting his worries for his human friends’ relationship aside for now, he raced home. For a moment he tamed the need to talk to Donatello to make sure he was alone and unobserved before he opened the manhole cover and slipped through.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always feedback is welcome. :)


	7. Chapter 7

After Leonardo had left, Donatello went back to work, grateful for a little peace and quiet. Hence his irritation when shortly after the oldest brother’s departure, the youngest strolled in. It really didn’t not need a genius to know that Michelangelo was here on the leader’s behest. From Leo’s perspective it was a rational move since Mikey was known for having his ways of getting people to open up. But Donnie was annoyed that his wishes to be alone and keep his problems to himself were ignored. Lashing out at the youngest, however, was a completely different thing than dismissing Leonardo rather harshly. Maybe it was the fact that Michelangelo was his only younger brother and therefore woke some protective instincts in him. Whatever it was, it kept Donatello from verbally biting the youngster’s head off.

“Sandwich!” Mikey proudly announced, successfully blocking Donnie’s view on his computer screen with the plate.

“I see that!” Donnie smiled despite himself, taking the offered snack. “Leo send you, hmm?”

Michelangelo just shrugged, obviously not seeing any reason to lie.

“He is worried.” He explained. “And I don’t blame him. First the clobbering you got from Raphael three days ago and now you two fight again and it even makes you cry.”

Impressed by Mikey’s instincts Donatello refused to take the bait and reveal something his younger brother could not possibly know.

“What makes you say we had a fight?” He asked casually while biting in his sandwich.

“Oh, please!” Mikey rolled his eyes, sounding almost offended. “You two normally spend so much time together, now you are barely in the same room. Raphael would rather die than see you hurt but in your match he didn’t get enough of causing you pain… and humiliation.”

“It was a training FIGHT, Mikey!” Donnie tried to sound convincing. “He is supposed to attack me when we are doing that.”

“And yet it was the first time he ever did it so viciously.” The turtle in orange remarked. “Did you know that he always puts one hand behind your head before tackling you down?”

Donnie furrowed his eye ridges, thinking about Michelangelo’s words. Remembering the past sparring matches, he noticed that it was true. Raphael actually made sure his hand was between the floor and Donatello’s head. He even had done so in the last – rather violent – fight. Hope flared. Maybe Raphael did not hate him after all, but was just very very angry.

“He doesn’t do it for me, by the way!” Mikey chuckled.

“Maybe he just thinks, you don’t need him to be careful.” The genius tried to dismiss the difference the youngest pointed out.

“Yeah, maybe!” The turtle in orange did not sound convinced, but delved no deeper.

For a while Michelangelo remained silent and Donnie hoped the interrogation was over, turning back to his computer. But then the youngest spoke again.

“You love him, don’t you?”

Donatello’s fingers froze above his keyboard and he could not help the small delay of his answer.

“I do!” He answered as nonchalantly as he could. “He…”

“Don’t say ‘he is my brother, of course I love him.’” Mikey interrupted. “You know what I mean. You are IN love with him.”

Defeated Donatello lowered his gaze. Mikey knew. Of course he did. Be it out of boredom or of tactic, the youngster kept a keen eye on the inhabitants of the lair and was remarkably good at reading people. It was no surprise he would notice the change in Donatello’s behavior AND would recognize the reason for it.

“It’s okay, Donnie! I am not judging you.” Mikey’s hand found his brother’s shoulder, before he carefully added: “I understand!”

Before he could stop himself, Donnie blurted out: “You love him, too?”

“Noooo”, the orange-banded turtle grinned. “But you just admitted that you do!”

Donatello sighed. He fell for it. Great!

“So”, Mikey inquired. “Are you two a thing already? Is this a lovers’ quarrel?”

“What? No!”

“Okay, then…”

“Mikey!” Donatello grabbed his brother’s hand so fast that even the youngster was surprised. “Please, you can’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t, but you should. At least to one person.”

“Raphael knows.” Donnie said quietly. “And he wants none of it.”

An expression Donnie could not quiet read spread across Mikey’s face. He tipped his head to the side and frowned.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“Yes!” The purple-banded turtle nodded. “It’s the reason he is so mad at me.”

“And that’s why you are crying?”

“Right!” Donatello decided for this half-truth. Being upset over a rejection was believable and Mikey did not need to know what Raph had said to Donnie. It had been hard enough to keep April at bay. There was no way the youngest turtle would stay quiet about it.

Suddenly Michelangelo’s expression was as unreadable as Leonardo’s.

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Actually yes”, Donnie said hesitantly. “No offense, but I would like to be alone.”

Trying to keep his eyes from watering again, he met Mikey’s gaze and his brother nodded.

“Okay!” The youngest agreed and went for the door, but not without turning back once more to address his immediate older brother: “Donnie, promise me that you will let noone make you feel bad about your emotions. Your feelings are understandable and valid. You are a great person and deserve to be happy.”

Donnie wanted to thank his little brother but his voice failed him and so he only nodded with a smile.

Mikey was right. Donatello did everything for this family and Raphael had no right to abuse him because for once the genius did not “function” as the hothead wished.

With newly found self-confidence he went back to work. Time passed and one after another his family except for Raphael bid him good night. So he knew it had to be late when his phone rang again.

“April?” Surprised and a little concerned he answered the call. “Are you okay?”

He listened to her speak.

“I see!” He said. “Thanks for telling me! Good night, April!”

He ended the call, barely hearing the goodnights she bade. Then he started to process her words and after a while he frowned. A slowly rising anger joined forces with the sadness of the last days. Suddenly he found it hard to breathe and felt as if the lair was way too small. He needed air and without thinking he grabbed his bo staff and ran.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's hard to lie to Mikey but feeding him with half-truths worked! And telling half the truth never harmed anyone, right? Right!
> 
> Feedback is welcome!


	8. Chapter 8

As fast as he could Raphael passed the sewer tunnels, only stopping at the lair’s entrance to catch his breath and to enter the code. As expected no one was in the living room and the kitchen and dojo lay in darkness and silence as well. But when he drew closer to Donatello’s laboratory, he raised his eye ridges in surprise. The door was closed but no flickering lights shone beneath it. He cursed his luck.

Of all nights Donnie had chosen this one to turn in early. For a second he considered leaving him alone for now. But he decided against it. Telling himself it was not his selfish need to get everything off his chest, but for Donnie’s sake who probably suffered from being at odds with him, too, he went for the genius’ room.

After softly knocking at the door, he waited, listening carefully so he would not miss the genius’ soft sleepy voice. But obviously Donnie had not heard him and even though he hated the thought of startling his brother, he knocked harder this time. Again nothing. Frowning in confusion, he carefully opened the door a little.

“Donnie?” He whispered and – when he got no answer – repeated in a normal volume: “Donnie?”

Everything remained silent and finally Raphael opened the door completely and stepped in. He froze. Donatello’s bed was empty. Not only that. It did not seem as if anyone had been in it this night. While Donnie never made his bed exceptionally tidy, he would at least shake out the blanket and pillows before loosely putting them back on the mattress. That was how it looked like right now. But Raph knew that after Donnie had actually slept in a bed, it was a mess. His never sleeping brain did not even at night let his body rest fully and he would toss and turn, scrambling blanket and sheets and making the pillows tumble down to the floor. Usually Raphael would smile thinking about the chaos the sweet genius could cause even in his sleep, but not now. An unruly feeling crept up his spine at the sight of the empty bed.

He hurried back to the lab. Maybe Donnie had been so tired that he had just hit the lights before passing out at his desk? But no, no genius here. The infirmary! It was closer to the lab and Donnie now and then crashed on the cot there when he was too tired for taking the stairs. Again, no luck. The little hope Raphael had to find his smart brother in the garage was soon smashed, too.

Panicking the turtle in red realized that Donatello was not at home, he must have left the lair. But why? Checking carefully on his two other brothers had told him that they were here. The light of meditation candles threw Leonardo’s silhouette through the shoji and when he carefully opened Mikey’s door a gap, he heard the youngster mumbling in his sleep. But the leader in blue would never allow Donnie to go topside alone. Hell, he did not even allow Raphael to do that, the hothead just did not care. But Donnie did. It was unlike him to go against their big brother’s wishes. But Raph knew no one who could break into the lair, snatch the family genius and leave without alerting Leonardo (and then end up with a katana at the throat). So the turtle in purple must have left on his own account despite their leader having a fit the next morning.

Raphael was torn. On the one hand he had no moral ground to claim. He basically invented ignoring Leo and storming topside when he needed to let off some steam. Who was he to judge Donnie for doing it, too? He would feel like a hypocrite if he alerted Leonardo now to tell him Donnie left the lair on his own. He had given the genius enough of a hard time and getting him into trouble with their leader on top would not really smoothen things between them.

On the other hand Raphael had a very bad feeling about the situation and wanted to find Donnie as fast as possible to make sure that he was fine. And with his brothers’ help he could cover more ground.

If he had any idea where to look for the genius, it would be a different thing. But how could he…? The shell cell! Donnie had explained to his family how to locate a shell cell with another one. Raphael knew that his smart brother was convinced that only Leo and Master Splinter had really listened. But Raph had paid attention, too. He had even made sure later that Michelangelo knew what to do if he needed to find one of his brothers. The turtle in red did not really care for pieces of technology that did not power vehicles but this one was a tool helping to keep the family safe. Raphael could never consider something like that unimportant.

Worrying his lip between his teeth he opened the correct app and choose Donnie’s phone to locate. Soon enough a map appeared on the shell cell’s screen and a red dot showed up. Clover Street*? The name rang a bell but at the moment Raphael did not know why. He could worry about that later. It was not far from the lair and now that he knew where to find Donny there was no need to wake Leonardo. He could find the brainiac on his own. Unless… Maybe Donnie did not want the hothead anywhere near him.

Still waging his options Raphael rushed towards the center of the lair. Passing the kitchen he bumped into a dark figure that came out of it, followed by a splashing sound and a curse. Confused Raph barely registered that the shape went back to the kitchen where it turned on the light.

 

*

 

That night Mikey had trouble falling asleep. He felt bad for Donnie. Even though he knew how it was to harbor feelings for someone who was completely clueless, he could only imagine how it would feel to open up about them and be rejected. It was incredible brave of Donnie to let Raphael know how he felt. Mikey envied the genius a little bit for that courage. Too bad it was in that case rewarded with heartbreak and a bruised shoulder.

The youngster still could not believe that he had been so wrong about Raphael’s emotional state. Before talking to Don, he would have sworn a thousand oaths that the hothead felt the same for the genius as the other way around. Maybe he did and was just afraid to admit it? Mikey himself had wondered how their father would think about it. That was why he had asked him a couple of weeks ago. He had almost peed his non-existent pants during the talk with the old rat. But the encouraging answer had been worth it, even though he had not achieved much more. Basically he had a ticket for a super-fun rollercoaster he was afraid to ride.

“Hihi! ‘Ride’!” He chuckled to himself before his thoughts went back to the current less than funny situation.

Probably Raphael had the same fears the youngest had. And the red-banded turtle would rather bite his tongue out than to approach their father about something like that. But that still was no reason to treat Donnie so badly. He could have let him down easy after all.

Michelangelo could not help wondering how serious the consequences for their family would be. He was absolutely sure that Raph and Don would always protect and help each other against immediate danger. But they also needed each other to be balanced and happy outside the battlefield. When two of four turtles lost their balance and happiness, what would that mean for the team?

Accompanied by these gloomy thoughts Mikey fell into an uneasy sleep. At one point a faint noise of a creaking door entered his troubled dreams and slowly drew him to the brink of awakening. When finally his eyes fluttered open, he saw nothing out of the ordinary and would have closed his lids again if not for his dry throat. Groaning he got up and shuffled towards the kitchen. Without bothering to turn on the light, he took a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water. He emptied it fast and greedy. Before leaving for his bedroom he refilled the glass and took it with him. Just as he had entered the main room, he collided with someone who came rushing passed the kitchen door. Mikey stumbled. He was able to catch himself, but spilled most of his water. Taking a step back into the kitchen, he turned on the lights now to see who bumped into him. When the area was illuminated, he spotted Raph who was no less shaken than himself.

“Dude!” Mikey hissed. “Way to shock the life out of me!”

“If I wanted the life outta ya, I’d choose another way!” The hothead answered, breathing heavily.

“What are you doing here in the middle of the night?” The youngster wanted to know and Raphael opened his mouth for a second just to close it again without saying a word. It seemed like he wanted to share something, but was unsure if he really should

“Listen, Mikey!” He finally said. “I need ta talk ta Donnie and he…”

“Yeah, no kidding!” Mikey interrupted him, a stern look on his face. “Whatever you did or said to him, did a number on him!”

Guilt spread on the hothead’s face for a second but soon a look of determination overcast it.

“Yeah, save yer lecture for later, knucklehead!” He growled at his younger brother, before leaning closer to whisper: “Look, Donnie ain’t here and I don’t wanna make things between us worse by having Leo afta him. But I don’t know if he will talk ta me. So I need ya ta wake Leo in an hour from now, if ya didn’t hear from me by then.”

“What?” Shocked Mikey’s mind ran through a million scenarios that could have caused Donnie of all people to run off without permission, but still he lowered his voice when Raph shushed him. “Donnie could be in trouble! If we all look for him, we can…”

“…cover more ground, I know!” Raphael finished the sentence. “But I already know roughly where he is.”

“But…”

“Mikey, please!” Raphael pleaded, surprising the orange-banded turtle. “I messed up – royally – and I need ta make this right. If I can avoid it, I don’t wanna get him in trouble, ‘specially not for something I always do mahself all the time. Please gimme a chance ta catch him alone and make things right, will ya?”

Considering his words, Michelangelo studied his older brother’s face. Then he nodded. He wanted Raphael and Donnie to come to terms with each other. Still hoping that they found love with each other, he would for now be happy if his two middle brothers would return to the status quo of a few days ago.

“One hour! 60 minutes!” Mikey said. “If you call or show up here a second later, I will already have woken the sleeping Leo!”

“60 minutes!” Raph affirmed.

“And no matter if the time is up or not, you call immediately if anything comes up!” The younger turtle insisted and thought: ‘Wow! I sound like Leo…’

“Promise!” The turtle in red answered, before heading for the lair’s exit. “Thanks, Mikey!”

“You’re welcome!” Michelangelo said without being heard anymore. “Just don’t make me regret it!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I have never been to New York and I have no idea whether there is a Clover Street or not. I just needed any street name. Let's just roll with it, okay?
> 
> Feedback is welcome.


	9. Chapter 9

The closer Raphael came to the red dot on the screen’s map the more his doubts grew. He did not know exactly how accurate the map was and how much ground he would have to cover. The shell cell’s location was a start but Donnie was a trained ninja that most likely did not want to be found by him. The red dot had not moved since Raph had activated the app which on the one hand was helpful when searching for someone. On the other hand it left him wondering whether Don did not want to move or for some reason could not. What if the genius was hurt and/or had lost or purposely left his phone? Then he was wasting valueable time here.

Raphael slid down the drain and silently landed in a narrow side alley. Carefully he drew closer to the main street. He glanced at the time. His target was close to the lair and he had more than 45 minutes left before Mikey would wake Leonardo.

When the turtle in red stuck his head around the corner to catch a glimpse on his surroundings, his eyes immediately fell on a nearby street sign. Clover Street. Somewhere here Donnie had to…

Raph froze. He remembered now. That why that street’s name sounded so familiar. He and his brothers had been investigating the death of a man. He had fallen down the building opposite to Raphael’s current position and the police had ruled it suicide. But the turtles had found out that the man was a former member of the Purple Dragons, quite high ranking even. The suspicion that the gang had dished out revenge for leaving them and to prevent information to get out did not seem farfetched back then. But the brothers had not found any evidence of foul play. Obviously leaving the Purple Dragons had not solved all the guy’s problems and he had decided to check out early. As bad as Raph felt for a man who tried to bring his life in order and failed miserably, his main concern right now was why the hell his brother was at the ex-Dragon’s suicide point.

Donnie could not…

He would not…

But, what if…

There was no time to take the low road alias the sewers. Without thinking Raphael rushed across the street, making sure not to be hit by a car but not really paying attention to pedestrians.

Maybe he was too fast, maybe it was too dark or maybe he just got lucky, but when he arrived at the other side of the street and made his way up to the roof of the target building, he heard no screaming, no running and no calls for the police. Even though this was not his main concern, he felt relieved for he knew that it would make things easier. The top of the emergency ladder drew closer and all of a sudden a familiar smell met Raphael’s nostrils. Donnie! Good! He was up there which meant he did not go down – yet.

The red-banded turtle pulled himself up and jumped on the roof. Immediately he spotted the slender form of Donatello, facing away from Raphael. His brother was not standing on the rim, but very close to it. Before he could decide whether or not to address Donnie, the genius soft voice rang over the roof.

“What do you want, Raph?” He asked without turning around. Of course. He could smell Donnie, Donnie smelled him. Briefly the question why he never smelled Mikey or Leo unless they were much closer flashed through his mind.

“Donnie, wait!” Raphael called.

Now Donatello slowly turned to face him. The beautiful brown eyes looked at Raph quite angrily, but there was a hint of curiosity in them.

“Please don’t!” The turtle in red pleaded, earning himself a confused look on the genius’ face.

Donnie studied him for a short moment before understanding blossomed on his features. He let out a humorless chuckle.

“Really, Raph?” His tone was mocking and sad at the same time. “You think I would end my life because you are mad at me?”

“I…, well…” The hothead did not really know what to say. Now that Donnie put it in words, it sounded pretty stupid. But then again, that was the reason he raced up here, not caring if someone informed the Foot, the police or the EPF.

When Raph remained silent, Donnie chuckled dryly again before turning back in the opposite direction.

“Do you think so highly of yourself?” He pondered. “Or so poorly of me?”

“Neither, Donnie!” Raphael finally found his voice and dared to step closer to the younger turtle. “But I recognized the street name and… I dun’ know. I didn’t have the time ta think it all through.”

“Not that you think things through, IF you have the time…” Donnie deadpanned and Raphael could not help a tender smile forming on his face.

“Walked right inta that one, didn’t I?” He smirked, now stepping beside his brother, but when Donatello did not react, he explained: “I just didn’t wanna take any chances, okay?”

A short moment later Donnie gave a curt nod to signal his understanding, but remained cold.

“No need to worry”, he assured. “I just wanted to clear my head. And while Mr. Gravner sure had serious mental issues, he nonetheless found a spot with a beautiful view to end his life.”

“Gravner, right!” Raphael nodded. “I had forgotten his name.”

Desperately he rummaged through his vocabulary to find the right words to apologize. He did not want to mess this up, but he could not take his sweet time forever, unless he wanted Leo to wait for Donnie and him in the lair. He had just opened his mouth to speak as the turtle in purple broke the silence.

“You had a point, you know”, Donnie quietly admitted. “If there is someone in the world I would take that jump for, it’s you.”

A bunch of emotions rushed through the turtle in red upon hearing his younger brother say that. There was joy for meaning so much to Donnie. There was guilt for feeling joy when his brother spoke about killing himself for him. There was shame for not deserving this amount of dedication. He badly wanted to say something, but before he could, Donatello did again.

“We should go!” He announced and raced for the fire ladder without giving the older turtle a chance to react.

Cursing, Raph considered sending a text to Mikey. Though he had not managed to sort things out with Donnie yet, he really did not want to get Leo into that. But instead of messaging his youngest brother he quickly followed the genius. There was still enough time left and he did not want to risk Donnie racing home without him, losing a chance to apologize again. As expected he found his brother at a sewer entrance in a nearby alley at the foot of the building. Feeling guilty, he watched the pain on Don’s face as he squatted down and started to open the manhole cover. The bruise on his shoulder had paled, but was still prominent and no doubt painful.

“Donnie, wait!” Carefully he took the genius’ hands in his and pulled him up. “I’ll do this in a sec. Just listen, okay?”

Donatello’s eyes went wide at the gesture and for a moment Raph was paralyzed by these pools of honey. After a moment the genius turned his gaze sideways and the spell that held the red-banded turtle was at least weaker so he could speak.

“Donnie, ‘m sorry!” He finally announced. “Sorry for hurtin’ ya in the dojo and for saying ya was disgustin’ – I really don’t mean any of that. It’s…I saw… I know it’s no excuse, but… I saw ya and April in the lab after pizza night…”

“I know, Raph”, Donnie interrupted him and whispered: “You thought we had an affair; that she cheated on Casey with me.”

“I…how did you…?”

“How could you think I would do something like that?” The genius ignored Raph’s confusion and now looked straight into his eyes again. “I admit, being kissed by April felt very nice and stopping it was not easy. But having an affair with her? Lying, deceiving, betraying? For weeks? Did you really think I lacked any honor? That I was capable of doing that to a friend?”

“No!” Raphael hurried to say, but when Don raised an eye ridge, he corrected himself: “At least I shoulda known.”

“Yes, you should have!” The turtle in purple freed his hands from Raph’s and crossed his arms, hugging himself. “This is even worse than the beating you gave me! To think you would have such a low opinion of me!”

“Yes, yer right, Donnie!” Frantically Raphael grabbed the Don’s hands again, a pleading look on his face. “I am sorry! Please say ya’ll forgive me! I’ll do anything!”

The genius shook his head, squeezing his brother’s hands lightly while focusing his soulful brown eyes on him.

“You don’t have to do anything. Of course I forgive you. Just next time when you think I did something so horrible, just confront me so we can settle it before you beat me up.” Donatello looked pretty lost when he lowered his gaze and added in a small voice: “Though I’d prefer you just knowing that I would not do certain things…”

“I do know, Donnie!” Raph insisted. When meeting his brother’s doubtful eyes, he was about to tell him everything. How much he loved him, wanted him, needed him. That seeing him with April had awakened a horrible green-eyed monster that had chased away any reason and made him lash out. But he could not. Not here. Not in a dirty alley between garbage and with (non-sentient) rats as witnesses. And not with the risk that Donatello would run away again. In the lair his smart brother could just lock himself in the lab where he was save and sound.  Running away from his pervert brother in the city could lead him to a lot of trouble.

“I’ve been on edge lately, Donnie-boy”, he tried to explain. “I shoulda known ya wouldn’t steal Casey’s girl. And even if ya did, I shoulda reacted differently. I swear I will talk ta ya from now on if something seems wrong ta me instead of just try ta guess mahself. And I swear, I will neva touch ya again.”

The last sentence made Donnie’s head snap up again and he looked…confused? Hurt?

“Ta hurt ya, I mean! I will neva touch ya again ta hurt ya!” Raph explained quickly and tried to joke: “Don’t worry! I’ll still pull ya off a cliff if yer dangling from the edge!”

“Good to know!” Donnie gave him a smile. It was a light smile, but it made Raphael’s heart jump nonetheless.

“Thanks for forgiving me, Don!” The hothead scratched the back of his head in a bashful manner. “I was such a jerk. Ya even gave me a chance afta I clobbered ya. YA came ta ME ta apolo…Wait!” Raphael halted. Thinking about that situation again, it did not make sense. Donnie had come to him to apologize after the incident in the dojo. At the time the turtle in red had thought the genius came to apologize for his affair with April. But there was no affair. So…

“Wait! What did ya apologize for?” He asked.

“What?” Donnie countered with a question of his own and Raphael raised an eye ridge. The way the genius said it… Blinking, tilting his head slightly, blinking again, pressing the word out in a forced casual manner, pressing his lips together tightly, blinking once more. That was his little brothers’ “stalling-what”! Donnie and Mikey had used it as kids when they were asked a question they did not want to answer truthfully. They would pretend to not have understood the question so it would be repeated. That would buy some time to think of a good lie. While it had never worked on Splinter, the two older brothers had fallen for it quite often. Raph had not witnessed the stalling-what for a long time and it had him grinning widely. But even though Donnie’s faked cluelessness was extremely cute, he would not fall for it.

“Ya heard me, genius!” He smirked and stepped closer to his brother. “What didya do?”

“I don’t know what you mean!” Donnie shrugged, still faking innocence, forcing himself to meet the older turtle’s eyes, while backing away.

Still grinning Raph stalked the genius who slowly but steadily retreated from him.

“Come on, brainiac”, the hothead insisted. “Ya came ta apologize. Fer what? Running inta ma fist in the dojo?”

“Well, no… I just… I mean…”

“Yeeees?”

“You were obviously upset. I just thought I’d make the first step and…”

“So, without knowing why I was mad, ya came ta say yer sorry fer…whatever it is?”

“Yes!”

“Man, Donnie-boy” Raphael chuckled. “If ya think I believe tha… Whoa, careful!”

They both had been so distracted staring at each other that they had reached the alley’s dead end without being aware of it. The taller turtle noticed at the last second, grabbed the back of Donnie’s head with his left hand and put his right arm around his upper body to stabilize him, keeping his brother from colliding with the wall, pulling him away from it.

Raphael felt Donatello’s body stiffen in his arms and the genius’ eyes went wide in alarm. Frowning the hothead looked down at the smart turtle’s face.

“Shit, Donnie!” He sighed. “Yer really afraid of me now, huh? I told ya, I’ll neva hurt ya again. Ya’ve nothing ta fear from me.”

After he had said that last sentence, he was not so sure if he believed it himself. Being so close to Donnie and holding him in his arms really tested his self-restraint. He felt so good, looked so cute and smelled so sweet. Did the smell change? It was unmistakably Donnie’s smell. But it was so intense and rich. And his eyes… Definitely Donatello’s beautiful brown orbs, but somehow different.

‘If I don’t let go of him soon, I’ll pounce him’ Raphael thought. ‘Let go now!’

“Afraid of you?” The smaller turtle’s voice was barely a whisper now. ”You really DO think highly of yourself, don’t you?”

“If ya ain’t afraid, then why won’t ya tell me what yer hiding, Donnie-boy?” The red-banded turtle asked in a low voice while thinking: ‘I should really step away now!’

“Maybe I like having my secrets…” Donatello’s soft voice sounded almost playful, a very light smile formed on his lips and the hint of a challenge gleamed in the warm honey colored eyes. Was the brainiac of all people teasing him?

The turtle in red felt like his body was acting on its own when his left hand let go of Donnie’s neck to be placed on one of his hips while the right one slid down his back to halt at the other one. The genius shivered but otherwise remained still.

Suddenly Raphael growled. The pleasant tingling down his spine was abruptly overcast by a much more familiar but also much less pleasant prickle in his neck.

“Squat down!” He ordered and when Donnie did not react, he pulled him down with him. In a crouching position he wrapped his body around the genius’ slender form, shielding him at the last moment before several hard objects hit his carapace with harsh thudding and clanging noises.

“That’s no fun, guys!” An unpleasant spoke up when the assault on his shell finally stopped. “Let’s do that the old fashioned way!”

The two turtles jumped to their feet, drew their weapons and focused on their opponents. A dozen men, low-life thugs – some of Raph had busted heads with before – blocked the way to the main street as well as to the entrance to the sewer. They all had the familiar purple dragon tattoed somewhere on their bodies.

Damn! The turtle in red cursed himself. His walking Donnie deeper into the alley and cornering him there had given those goons the chance to block their escape route. Below his feet lay some broken glass bottles, rocks and even throwing knives – things the gang members had thrown at him which now were a risk of injury at every step they would take.

“Told ya, I saw one of ‘em!” The voice from before belonged to a tall muscular guy in his early twenties. He wore his dark blond hair in a messy bun and sported a much too tight plain white shirt combined with a washed out blue jeans. This guy was a walking cliché and usually Raph would have loved to make fun of him to make him aggressive and dumb, but he was with Donnie and he wanted to get the genius to safety. He did not know exactly how long it would take for Mikey to alarm Leo, but probably too long

“Hun was pretty clear, Jeff!” A slender dark-haired man behind ‘Jeff’ spoke up. “Keep ‘em from leaving and wait for him and his guys.”

“Come on, man!” Jeff mocked. “It’s only two of ‘em!”

“But…”

“And the one with the stick seems ta be a girl! Ya’ll saw how the big guy looked at purple over there! And now he shields the cutie!”

Raph subtle looked around. The scumbag was right. Unconsciously he had positioned himself between Donnie and the gang members.

“Awww, is the big bad turtle protecting his girl?” Jeff continued taunting and the turtle in red narrowed his eyes, growling low.

“Oh, are you serious?” Donnie spoke from behind him and thanks to his sarcastic tone Raphael could almost see his eyes rolling. “Are you purple dragons such Neanderthals that you consider ‘girl’ an insult?”

“Really now, brainiac?” Raphael asked incredulously. “Ya wanna talk feminism right here, right now?”

“No, no!” The smart turtle’s voice sound unconcernedly through the alley. “I am just surprised: I mean there are 12 purple dragons and none of them could think of a better slur than ‘girl’.”

“Donnie…”

“I mean, just a couple of weeks ago one of their higher ranked fellows was weak enough to off himself by jumping off the building next to us and it was none of their female members…”

“Oh, I am sooo sorry, yer majesty!” The gang member sneered. “What politically correct insult would ya prefer?”

“I am a traditionalist, Jeff!” Donnie stepped from behind Raphael, casually twirling his bo. “How about keeping it simple? How about a good old ‘Take that, asshole!’?”

With remarkable speed the genius kicked a big fragment of a broken bottle up in the air with his left foot and with a precise strike of his bo sent it flying towards Jeff. The purple dragon had no time to react. The piece – almost a half of an old green glass bottle – left a nasty cut on his forehead, broke into several smaller shards on collision, leaving a couple of further scratches and marks. When blood ran down his face, clinging to his brows and lashes, his features contorted to an ugly mask of hatred.

“Kill ‘em!” He snarled full of venom. “But not too fast!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be clear: I do not consider all victims of suicide “weaklings”. And – at least in my headcanon – neither does Donnie. He had his reasons to drag the suicidal ex-dragon into it here. Some of you might already have guessed it, the others will see next chapter. 
> 
> As always I am interested in your opinion! :)


	10. Chapter 10

There was an enticing heat radiating from Raphael’s muscular body as he held his younger brother. The spots on Donnie’s back and neck where the red-banded turtle touched him felt like they were on fire. The genius was about to lose himself in the golden eyes that looked down on him. Those fiery, magnetic, enticing, golden orbs… Focus! Think of something. Anything.

“Maybe I like having my secrets…” He heard himself say mischievously and thought: ‘What am I doing? Don’t tease, tell him off!’

It took immense willpower to suppress the urge to expose his neck in a submissive gesture when Raphael’s hands suddenly found their way to his hips. Fiercely Donatello fought the churr that was building deep inside him. But then suddenly he heard Raphael growl angrily.

“Squat down!” His brother called. Before Donnie could process the change of the atmosphere, he was pulled down and covered by Raph’s body.

Next thing he knew was that several heavy objects noisily collided with the red-banded turtle’s carapace. After a while the assault stopped and a couple of Purple Dragons surrounded and threatened them. As always Raph positioned himself between the Donnie and the danger. The purple-banded turtle never was sure whether to be touched or insulted by that habit but now it conveniently blocked the opponents’ view on him. Donnie carefully reached for his shell cell, letting the spokesman of the gang members talk in the background. He speed-dialed Leonardo’s number and when he heard his oldest brother’s voice, he put him on speaker.

 

*

 

Inhaling, exhaling. Slowly, consciously. Keeping the mind empty. Keeping it empty for solutions to settle in when the time was right. But through the familiar pleasure of complete detachment and freedom sept an unwelcome dissatisfaction.

Leonardo sighed. He could feel his spirit being drawn from the astral plane. Soon the sweet lack of physical boundaries was lost and he felt the cool ground beneath his lower body. With one elegant move he left the lotus position to stand up, removed his remaining gear and moved towards his bed. This was not the longest meditation session he ever had held but at least his body was relaxed enough to feel a need to lie down. His mind was a completely different story. Lying on his back, he stared at the ceiling above his bed. Exhausted in body he still could not find any rest as his thoughts were racing.

The conflict between Donatello and Raphael had followed him even into the state of deep meditation, causing him to fall out of it much sooner than usual. Not only as their leader but also as their older brother he could not help but feel responsible for their well-being: physically, emotionally and spiritually. For Donnie he had not even been able to assure the first one. Emotionally and spiritually both of his middle brothers were troubled. Raphael was a very extreme character who needed balance in his life. Balance no one could give him like Donatello could. And Donnie’s incredible mind sometimes threatened to pull him away from his family which was not going to happen as long as the down to earth hothead had a say in it.

Unsurprisingly his red-banded brother had told Leo in his own - very colorful – way to mind his own business. But it was rather uncommon for Donatello to be stubborn when Leonardo insisted on knowing what was going on. Even more so as the usually gentle genius became pretty harsh in his choice AND delivery of words. But still Leo deeply wished he could help somehow since his two middle brothers needed each other.

Leonardo smiled lightly regardless of the unpleasant situation because that last thought reminded him of Michelangelo as he felt their relationship was similar to Don’s and Raph’s. Carrying the burden of the leader took its toll on the turtle in blue now and then and the presence of the lighthearted youngster alone made it easier to carry it. When Leo felt like drowning in the responsibilities, the hostility of the world and the never ending list of duties, Mikey’s positive attitude and his optimistic view on the universe made him see things much brighter, too. The other way around Leo prided himself of helping his youngest brother improve his skills. While Michelangelo was blessed with many attributes and talents needed to become a powerful ninja, the turtle in orange easily got distracted and lacked concentration skills. But Michelangelo’s raw gifts combined with Leonardo’s focus would soon make formidable warrior out of the youngster.

Leonardo could not help another smile forming on his features. Unlike the leader in blue Michelangelo had found out what was going on. While Raphael had blown off the youngest, too, Donatello had confided in him. But that left Leonardo none the wiser because Mikey would not tell what he had learned. Mikey had assured the eldest that in the current situation there was nothing they could do to help and that he was convinced that given time things between Raphael and Donatello would be fixed. Leonardo trusted the youngster’s instincts.

Despite his curiosity driving him crazy, he could not help being proud at the thought of his orange-banded brother. With empathy and eloquence he often managed to get people to open up. Sometimes by provoking, sometimes by sweet-talking, sometimes by not talking at all in favor of listening and – as Leonardo believed – in Donatello’s case with compassion, kindness and probably some trickery. Again the leader smiled. While he was dying to know what Donnie had told Michelangelo, he felt deep respect for the youngest for honoring the vow of silence he had given the genius.

The struggle of the middle brothers still lay heavy on Leonardo’s heart, but knowing that Michelangelo would support him in keeping the family together eased his mind.

Somewhere between his gloomy thoughts he must have fallen asleep because he was startled by the ringing of his shell cell. Frowning he took in the name on the screen. Donnie? Why the hell would he call him? He could have just knocked.

“Don?” He answered the call, more confused than annoyed.

His brother did not answer. Instead the turtle in blue heard crackling noises, the rushing of cars and someone talking in the distant. Donatello was outside and had put him on speaker. 

An unpleasant voice spoke in a spiteful manner, but Leonardo could not make out the words. When he started to become uneasy, wondering if Donnie was maybe unable to say something, he suddenly heard voices he could understand.

 _“Oh, are you serious?”_ That was definitely Donatello speaking. _“Are you purple Dragons such Neanderthals that you consider ‘girl’ an insult?”_

 _“Really now, brainiac?”_ Raphael’s gruff voice sounded close by. _“Ya wanna talk feminism right here, right now?”_

_“No, no! I am just surprised: I mean there are 12 purple Dragons and none of them could think of a better slur than ‘girl’.”_

_“Donnie…”_

_“I mean, just a couple of weeks ago one of their higher ranked fellows was weak enough to off himself by jumping off the building next to us and it was none of their female members…”_

Someone else talked now, inaudible again, but Donatello had given his leader enough information: He and Raph were facing 12 Purple Dragons on Clover Street. Leonardo remembered the building the ex-Dragon had jumped off.

Wasting no time Leo turned off his phone and geared up. With many questions in his head he hurried out of his room. Why were Don and Raph not in the lair? How did they end up being attacked by Purple Dragons? Was Mikey with them? He had not heard the youngster’s voice but that did not necessarily mean he was not out there.

After he knocked harshly on the orange-banded turtle’s door, he pushed it open without waiting for an answer and thought his fears confirmed until he rushed back to the corridor, almost colliding with the youngest.

“Mike! Why aren’t you… Nevermind! Gear up, we need to go to Clover Street!” He pulled Mikey into his own room handing him his belt.

“What? Why? Leo,…” Despite his confusion Michelangelo obeyed and started putting it on.

“Raph and Don are in trouble.”

For some reason the younger turtle stopped asking questions now, grabbed his weapons and followed his big brother out of the lair. Of course he was right to do so because getting the middle brothers home safely was now everything that mattered. But still… While Leonardo was running, he wondered why Mikey did not inquire further. He had proven several times that he could run AND talk. In fact he could talk a lot while racing without even becoming short of breath. And still he did not.

But that, too, was a mystery for later.

 

*

 

Satisfied Donatello watched his missile collide with Jeff’s face. The dumbstruck look and the pained expression were a satisfying reward for his aim but there was no time to gloat. The tall gang member did not take the attack well and ordered: “Kill ‘em! But not too fast!” and his fellows started closing in. Most of them sported baseball bats, hockey sticks, metal rods or simple knives, but one dark-skinned man-mountain swung a heavy metal chain.

“Press forward, Raph!” Donnie said quietly. “They mustn’t corner us here. We cannot fight on broken glass!”

In the corner of his eye his saw the red-banded turtle stiffen lightly but there was no time to discuss rank now. He just hoped Raph would see that, too.

Donatello used his staff to push himself upwards to his right. He ran along the wall a few steps to go down on Jeff. Obviously not expecting this move from the ‘girl’, all the bully could do was yelp in surprise when the bo hit his forehead. Jeff’s body went limb and he fell backwards, hitting the cold alley stone with a loud thud.

The shock caused by the incapacitation of their frontrunner slowed the remaining Dragons down. By the time they regained their composure and started moving again, Raph had landed next to Donnie. Relieved the genius felt the warmth of his brother’s body as he pressed his back against Donatello’s own.

Luckily unable to completely surround them, the gang members formed a half-circle around the two turtles.

For a couple of seconds that seemed like an eternity neither faction dared to attack. Both waiting for the enemy to do so, making himself vulnerable. But then the giant with the chain suddenly moved. Swinging his weapon he focused on Don. The genius wanted to avoid his bo being caught by the chain at all cost and started twirling it. For a second he left his side unguarded. One of the more cunning Dragons recognized the chance. He raced forward, about to plunge his knife between Donatello’s plastron and carapace. Don noticed soon but did not manage to block or dodge fast enough. With his impressive instincts Raphael saved his younger brother. Seeing the movement in the corner of his eye, he reacted instantly. With one fluid motion he spun his leg through the faces of the two Dragons next to him. They flew backwards, colliding with some of their comrades. Raph’s kickspin made some room and bought some time. Further it brought him from Donnie’s back to his side, catching the attacker’s knife with his left sai.

“Oh no, ya don’t!” The red-banded turtle growled and brutally rammed his right weapon in the man’s upper leg. When he pulled it out, a red fountain followed. Screaming in pain the gang member sank down to his knees, releasing his blade. Now free again Raphael’s second sai went through the man’s face. Crying out a second time, blood seeping out the nasty wound across his cheek and nose, he started crawling away.

For the fracture of a second the bloody display startled the fighters. But then with a cry of rage the huge man with the chain swung his weapon towards Don’s plastron. Luckily the smart turtle was a tad faster. He dodged the attack. The chain missed him by a hair. While the metal string flew passed him, Don took a step forward, bended down and swung his bo against the man’s ankles. Hard and fast his weapon struck both sides, making the opponent buckle. He did not fall but struggled with his balance for a moment. Donnie did not hesitate. Grabbing his bo with his right hand, he slammed the weapon against the giant’s forehead. His free hand got hold of the chain and he pulled hard. The man’s head was knocked back while the rest of his body was pulled forward, finally making him fall to the side. A hard kick delivered by Don’s right foot accompanied the descent.

As soon as he was down, two younger gang members charged at Donatello desperately. The purple banded turtle jumped back. His feet collided with the wall and he pushed himself right at the attackers. Hard his staff collided with their heads, knocking them both out.

Don spun around to check on Raphael. The hothead was circled by 5 men, two others waiting in the back. After Donnie had left his side to take care of the man mountain, it was easier for the Dragons to surround Raph. But the red-banded turtle was not allowing it. Another kick spin sent the assailants backwards. The turtle did not hesitate and pursued one of them. He grabbed the man, spun him around and held the tip of his sai to the gang member’s throat.

“Back off!” He growled at the remaining Dragons.

“Manuel!” A slender Latino exclaimed, immediately dropping his knife. As did a young redheaded man behind him.

The remaining opponents, however, charged at Raphael. With a growl the hothead dodged, pulling Manuel with him before pushing him down. The next three blows he blocked effortlessly, using his two sai in turns. But the fourth Dragon waited for his comrades to deliver their blows, positioning himself behind Raph. He took a big swing with the heavy pipe in his hand, aiming at the turtle’s head. With a vicious grin he delivered the blow. At the last second Donatello managed to slam his bo between the man’s weapon and his brother’s head. Taking advantage of the opponent’s surprise, the genius rammed his knee into the enemy’s stomach. The gang member sank to his knees. Donnie knocked him out.

He turned to Raph just in time to see him kick one of his opponents against the wall. Then he grabbed the two others, slamming their head against each other. He let go of them. Both went down and stayed down. The man at the wall was unconscious as well. Fast as lightning Raphael was near Manuel again, roughly pulling the man to his feet. Pure panic shone in the young gang member’s eyes when the hotheaded turtle bared his teeth.

“Guess ya know now who yer friends are, huh, Manuel?” Raph growled.

He pushed the man towards his two comrades who had dropped their weapons for his sake. Together they caught him and watched wide-eyed as both turtles now walked towards them.

“Go!” Donatello and Raphael said simultaneously. While the young men instantly followed this order, the two brothers looked startled at each other. After the fracture of a second the red-banded turtle furrowed his eye ridges, the turtle in purple scratched his head, looking sheepishly.

“We should go, too! The sun’ll rise soon.” Raphael announced and opened the manhole cover, not without adding in a strained voice: “If that’s awright with ya.”

Rolling his eyes at his older brother’s sarcastic tone, Donatello walked over to the sewer entrance. Of course he agreed with Raph. Leo was on his way but if he saw that his brothers escaped, he would just retreat. They could message him when they were down in the tunnels. But just as Raph had managed to open the cover, tires screeched, followed by heavy footsteps.

“Down!” The redbanded turtle ordered but Don had only taken a few ladder steps when several shadows, one of them curiously large and bulky were thrown into the alley. Hun and the purple Dragon’s backup had arrived.

“Fuck!” Raph cursed. “Get down, Don! I’ll hold ‘em up!”

“Are you crazy? Let’s just both bail!”

“No! I don’t wanna lead ‘em ta the lair!”

“We’ll lose them in the sewers!”

“Ta risky! Go!”

“No!” Don insisted. “If you stay, I stay!”

“Brainiac, I swear, if…”

But Donnie had already climbed up again and readied his weapon, ignoring Raphael’s growl.

“How cute!” Hun mocked. “Bickering like an old couple! ‘Til death will part ya!”

The smart turtle gulped. Behind Hun stood what seemed to be the gathering of every lowlife thug of the boroughs (minus Jeff and Jeff’s Eleven). Even with an extraordinary fighter like Raphael by his side Donnie saw no chance of winning a brawl like this.

But then…

Mayhem broke out in the ranks of the Dragons. Two lightning fast figures appeared between them. Several gang members were knocked out or kicked aside.

“Wha…” Hun turned around but before he could see what was happening, a low pop resounded in the alley. In an eye’s blink the Purple Dragons were surrounded by smoke, coughing and disoriented.

As Hun cursed and tried to bark orders in between coughs, Leonardo and Michelangelo appeared out of the smoke wall, the first gesturing his middle brothers to enter the sewers. All too happy to oblige Donatello and Raphael climbed down, closely followed by their youngest brother and their leader who dexterously closed the manhole cover behind them.

The smoke finally cleared. But when the Purple Dragons regained their sight, they could spot no mutant turtle. Only a dirty alley with an overfilled garbage can, lots of broken glass and some of their unconscious fellows greeted them.

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, that one took me a while. I have no experience in writing fighting scenes so this chapter was hard for me to write. But here it is and even though it probably does not have the best fighting scene you ever read, I hope you still like the chapter. ;)


	11. Chapter 11

After running for 10 minutes straight they slowed down. Listening. They halted their steps. Listening again. Nothing.

“They are not following us.” Leonardo stated.

“So they are not as stupid as they look!” Mikey grinned.

The oldest and the youngest now turned to their middle brothers. Leonardo opened his mouth for the inevitable questions but Raph spoke faster.

“So, yer in charge again when Fearless ain’t ‘round, brainiac?” He snarled, arms crossed before his plastron.

“Raph…”

“What? Did ya or did ya not step back from number 2?”

It was true. Years ago Donatello had relinquished the position of Leonardo’s second-in-command. It meant a lot to Raph and Don himself was not married to the idea of being in charge when the turtle in blue was unaccounted for. Due to Raphael’s outstanding fighting skills and his development as a person Splinter had agreed on the change.

“I was just suggesting…”

“That was NO suggestion, Donnie!” Raphael stated, stepping closer to Donatello. “That was an order!”

“I just reacted Raph!” The smart turtle tried to reason but Raph was too angry.

“Ya outright ignored my order ta retreat!” The hothead roared. “So that’s all bullshit and ya know it!”

It was obvious that Don was losing his patience with his red-banded brother and started to get agitated, too.

“What I know is that 20 minutes ago you apologized for being an asshole” He hissed. “Just to be one again right now!”

“Oh, I am an ass now for reminding you of our ranks?”

“You are not ‘reminding’!” Don retorted. “You are bitching and whining!”

If Don was agitated now, Raphael was fuming. He stepped even closer than before, now invading the smaller turtle’s personal space, glowering down on him. But Don did not back down.

“I acted in the heat of the moment, I wanted us away from all those shards and litter and…”

“What? Ya thought I was stupid ‘nough ta fight on broken glass?”

“I don’t know, Raphie!” Donnie said, sarcasm dropping from his lips, standing on his toes to get closer to his seething brother’s face. “But I learned to never underestimate the stupidity of your decisions!”

“Ya little…”

“Enough!” Leonardo – who until now had watched the fast building quarrel in amazement – yelled at his middle brothers. “You just survived a fight 6 to 1 despite your… tiff during the last days because you are an amazing team and now you are at it again? What is wrong with you?”

“Who says ‘tiff’?” Mikey muttered but Don and Raph did not react. They just glared at each other and the leader sighed.

“What were you even doing out there?” He inquired. “Raph, did you get in trouble and called Donnie for backup?”

Raphael laughed at that.

“Of course, _I_ got the leader’s pet in trouble!”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Leonardo was not in the mood for riddles and urged his brother to elaborate with a stern look. But Raph remained silent.

“Oh, he is playing at the fact that I went out on my own!” Donnie admitted instead, not looking guilty at all. “But I did not ask him to bother me AND lure some Purple Dragons in my directions.”

“What?” Leonardo did not really process anything after his brother’s confession to leaving the lair without backup and permission. “Don, this is not like you!”

The leader tried to get Donatello’s full attention, but the genius brown eyes were still fixed on Raphael’s golden orbs, both pairs glowing dangerously.

“You never do something so reckless. That is HIS department!” Leonardo pointed at Raphael before contemplating: “Or is that it? Did you want to impress Raphael so you two could make up?”

While Donatello’s eyes went wide, Raphael’s gaze softened immediately as he put his hands on the genius’ shoulder.

“Is that it, Donnie?” He asked. “Did ya try ta prove something ta me?”

“What?” The purple-banded turtle pushed his older brother’s hand away.

Raph just raised an eye ridge.

“Oh, you…you! Arrgh!” Don yelled in frustration, poking his finger at Raph’s plastron. “You are so full of yourself, you might overspill.”

“Leo’s the one who…” The turtle in red started but the genius just turned around and went into the direction of the lair.

“I assume we can talk about my punishment later, Leo?” He called above his shoulder. “I am tired!”

“Don, I am not going to punish you!” Leonardo called out, breaking into a run after his younger brother. "I just want to understand…”

 

*

"I just want to understand…”

Raphael and Michelangelo could not make out what Leo was saying from there because their leader and their genius got too far away.

“He is right, you know, bro?” The orange banded turtle said.

“Whatya mean?” The hothead growled, his eyes shimmering with barely contained rage.

“Donnie! About you being full of yourself.” Mikey explained. “I mean, for someone who claims to be not interested, you sure take a huge ego boost out of it.”

With that the youngster ran after the other two turtles, leaving his second oldest brother behind perplexed.

“Out of what?” He wondered aloud before finally following his brothers home.

He was in no hurry so he went at a slower pace than the others. First of all he needed time to think about what Donnie had said and even more so about Mikey’s weird babbling.

Second of all he had to calm down. Sweet gentle Donatello had his ways to get under someone’s skin if he wanted to. He was quick-witted and sharp and his words could cut like razors. And while it was not exactly pleasant to be the target of these verbal blades, his nimble mind and his way with words was something Raphael loved and admired the genius for.

So now the hothead needed to cool off. In more than one way. He was definitely pissed AND positively turned on. Raph would sure volunteer to punish Donnie if Leonardo was not interested...not helping. He sighed.

He leaned against a tunnel wall, trying to even his breathing. It was not easy. The picture of these honey brown eyes glowering at him, the echo of his soft but agitated voice riling Raphael up and Donnie stretching his slender body by standing on his toes to get in the taller turtle’s face – all stuck in his head. Not to mention what had happened in the alley. There Don had been even closer. In his arms! He still recalled how he felt teased by the genius. As if Donatello had wanted to be touched just as Raph longed to touch him. Of course this was all just wishful thinking. He had cornered Don to learn his secret and the smart turtle had tried to wiggle out. But still the image of the hot olive-skinned body lying in his arms, pliant, almost submissive, was dancing vividly along all the others inside the hothead’s mind.

The turtle in red attempted to will the thoughts away as well as his growing erection. He summoned other memories that were not arousing at all.

Splinter telling him why Brittany was a much better match for Carlos than Bethany in “Fogs of Passion”. Splinter lecturing him about controlling his temper. Mikey eating rice, screaming “Maggots, maggots in my mouth”. Leonardo lecturing him about controlling his temper. Leonardo lecturing him about anything. April talking about menstruation to explain her back aching. Casey lowering his pants in front of Raph’s face, convinced he had sat in a poisonous cactus.

That did it. Chuckling at the memory the hothead was optimistic to have his lust tamed for now. When he arrived at the lair, everything was quiet. Unsurprisingly Leonardo was leaning against a wall near the entrance, waiting for him. But as he saw his younger brother the leader gave him a curt nod and turned away to go to sleep. Mikey and Don obviously had already done so, too.

After a short trip to the bathroom Raphael did the same. When sleep finally crept up to him, there was no willpower left to push his thoughts of Donnie aside. The scene in the alley plopped up in his mind and followed him into his dreams. Only then there were no Purple Dragons interrupting them, no Leo or Mikey showed up. It was just himself and Don, pressing their bodies against each other, until Raph finally grabbed the genius' neck to pull him into a heated kiss. The turtle in purple let it happen and did not fight him when his immediate older brother pushed him against the wall. The hothead lifted the smaller frame up, spreading the olive skinned legs carefully.

“Mikey, you cannot hide forever!” Leonardo’s leader voice sounded through the lair, startling Raph awake.

Frustrated he groaned. Had Fearless just cockblocked him in a dream? Really? Sighing he lifted his blanket staring at his fully grown erection. No way, he was leaving his room in this state. They had all been up until sunrise and a glance at the clock told him that Leo had let them all sleep in. 11 am, breakfast time long had passed anyway. He slipped back under his covers and started to work on his hard cock. This time he welcomed pictures off Donatello. Closing his eyes, he saw the sweet genius tied to Raph’s bed with both of their masks. He was squirming beneath him, begging for more while Raphael took him. The hothead tried to stay silent but he could not help Donnie’s name falling from his lips in a whisper when he climaxed.

On wobbling legs he finally got up. Jerking off thinking of Don was a habit by now. At first he had been ashamed but he needed his release now and then and he was unable to reach his orgasm thinking of anybody else. So he told himself that what was only in his mind hurt nobody.

After removing the semen from his plastron, he went for the shower to thoroughly clean up. Fortunately Leo was still looking for Michelangelo – right now in the living room –  so Raphael could reach the bathroom without being lectured. He was a bit surprised that the blue-banded turtle had not found the goofball yet. Mikey was a master at hiding but Leonardo was a grandmaster at seeking. And he probably was motivated to find the youngster since he no doubt had figured out that Mikey had known that Don had been missing and Raph had gone out to look for him on his own. Growling lowly he wondered if the genius was as in trouble as he and Mikey were. Leo probably went easy on Don. He usually did but no one could really blame him. The smart turtle barely caused problems and if he did, he most of the time had better reasons than a burst of temper or the lack of focus.

He tried to forget the family troubles for a moment, turning on the hot water, rinsing off the last tokens of his masturbation. Feeling reborn Raphael stepped out of the shower, toweled and went to the kitchen. For a second he hesitated when he heard the oldest and the youngest talking there but he knew he could not avoid Leonardo forever. Stepping into the room he saw a stern looking leader and a pretty forlorn Mikey.

“I don’t understand you, Mikey!” Leonardo said. “You know how dangerous it is if you guys leave without telling me.”

“Yes, I do!” The orange-banded turtle’s gaze was glued to the floor, his hands clutching each other in front of his stomach. “But…”

“No but, Michelangelo!” The leader said in a strict voice. “Not only did you cover up Donatello’s and Raphael’s excursion last night, you did the same just now – in broad daylight! For cake!”

“It was for you!” Mikey whined. “As an apology for not telling you…”

“Mikey, that is…” Leo threw his hands in the air before calming himself down to say in a softer voice: “That last night scared me to death because I was afraid of losing my brothers. Apologizing by causing the same fear again makes no sense.”

“But I was careful!” The youngest vowed. “I called April to get the cake and went through the secret entrance in her basement. I never left the sewers, no one could have seen me!”

“But I did not know that!” The turtle in blue suddenly shouted, losing his control. “All I knew was that you were not in the lair. For all I knew you could have done something incredibly dumb and gotten yourself killed.”

Mikey’s head snapped up at that outburst. Tears gathered in his eyes.

“Sorry, Leo!” He sobbed. “I am sorry for disappointing you again. I know, failed you. I am such a failure!”

Now fully crying, Michelangelo turned on his heels and ran passed Raph out of the kitchen.

“Mikey!” Leo called. “I never meant that you are…”

He took a few steps towards the kitchen door but stopped dead in his tracks when he heard the youngster’s door slam shut. Knowing full well that there was no way of getting the turtle in orange to let him in his room now, he sank into a chair with a sigh.

“Was that necessary, Leo?” Raph barked, stepping closer. “T’was ma fault. No need ta scold the kid for it! Ya wanna dress someone down? Take me!”

“He is NOT a kid anymore, Raphael!” The leader stood up, answering his younger brother’s glare with his own. Being only slightly shorter than Raph he almost met him eye to eye. “He is as responsible for his decisions as you and me. And he made two very stupid ones in a row.”

“Yeah, the first ta make me happy, the second ta please ya!”

“He should have known better, especially that it would not please me if he runs off, too, without telling me!”

“Ya didn’t hafta go so hard on him!”

“Ohhh, high horse you have there, Raphael!” Leo’s voice turned icy. “What should I have done? Wait for practice and viciously beat him up, even if he cannot breathe anymore?”

Immediately the hothead went silent. He didn’t even get angry. Backing off like a kicked puppy with a guilty look on his face, he let himself fall into a chair. Upon seeing the defeated look on his brother’s face, Leonardo took a seat as well, rubbing his face with another sigh.

“Look, I know I should not have yelled at him but my point still stands!” He insisted. “I had a damn good reason to be mad at him.”

“And I had no reason at all ta attack Donnie!” Raphael shook his head with a pained expression. After a moment he met his oldest brother’s gaze: “Didya talk ta him last night?”

“I tried!” Leo murmured frustrated. “We were both worn out, there was not much use.”

“Ya think he was okay?”

“Well, he did not talk much.” The turtle in blue laughed without humor. “His shoulder seemed to be bothering him again. He says the adrenaline during the fight covered the pain but since this wore off…”

“Shit!” Raphael cursed. “Is he still sleeping?”

“I think so, yes! Please let him rest before you talk to him.

“I will!” The red-banded turtle nodded. “I think I should check on Mikey.”

“No!” Leonardo refused. “I was the one who lost his temper, I should…”

“Ya still mad at him?”

“Yes?”

“Who says ya won’t lose yer cool again?”

Sighing in defeat Leonardo gestured Raphael to go ahead and take care of Michelangelo.

“Tell him, training is off for today. Maybe that will cheer him up…”

 

*

 

The usually cheerful baby of the family sniffled and sobbed under his blanket. His gear had been tossed to the floor carelessly. Not only was Leonardo mad at him, he was disappointed which was even worse. Anger faded but the fact that Michelangelo was a failure in his eyes would not dissipate so soon.

Five resolute knocks on the door startled the young turtle. Leonardo only knocked twice and Donnie used an energetic rhythm, an inside joke between the two younger brothers as a reminder of the time when Don taught him to use the Morse code to hide secrets from their big brothers. Unfortunately Leo and Raph had learnt that code one day, too, rendering this form of secret communication useless.

So it had to be Raphael at his door who Mikey knew would come in any second whether he told him to or not. And he did.

“Hey, goofball!” He greeted softly. “Yer okay?”

Sighing Mikey poked his head out from under the blanket.

“No! I messed up – again! Leo is right. I am dumb!”

“He neva said that!” Raph retorted. “And he does not believe that. Ya know him! The only thing that makes him lose it is his worries ‘bout us. He already feels sorry fer exploding at ya like that!”

“He shouldn’t feel sorry! He was right!” Mikey pouted. “I’m just a horrible screw-up! Not worthy of him!”

The last part Mikey only mumbled, more to himself than to his older brother, but Raph heard.

“Whatya talking ‘bout?” He raised an eye ridge.

“I meant ‘of you, guys’!” The youngster hurried to correct himself, biting his lip at his slipup. “Of this family!”

“This is bullshit! And ya know it!” Angrily the hothead stormed to Mikey’s bed to fully lift the blanket and pull his little brother up into a tight embrace. And even though he wanted to wallow in self-pity alone, the smaller turtle could not help hugging back, crying a little more.

“Don’t ya eva say or even think something like that, little bro!” Raphael admonished. “You’re not a screw-up! We all make mistakes! Granted, ya and me make a lot more than Captain Perfect and Lieutenant Brainiac, but still…”

Michelangelo chuckled at that between sobs. It was normally his job to come up with nicknames but these ones were quite fitting.

“So, Leo’s not mad at me anymore?”

“’Course he is! Ya endangered his baby brother!” Raph patted Mikey’s back. “But he doesn’t think yer dumb or a failure, okay?”

“Okay!” The turtle in orange sniffed once more, whipping his tears away. “Thanks, Raphie!”

“Anytime, bro!” The older brother let go of the younger’s should and sighed: “I’ll check if Donnie is awake. I need ta talk ta him!”

But on his way to the door he turned around once more.

“Mikey” He addressed the smaller turtle. “What didya mean with whatya said in the sewers? About me not being interested and that ego boost stuff?”

Michelangelo furrowed his eye ridges. Raphael was a brute sometimes but not an idiot. He could not seriously be dense enough not to make the connection. Unless…

“Why were you so mad at Don?” He asked his hotheaded brother who sighed, looking down in shame.

“I thought he had an affair with April, cheating on Case! And no, I didn’t confront him, I just exploded!” He admitted.

Absentmindedly Mikey nodded. Contrary to his believe Don had not confessed his feelings to Raph. And unlike what Don had thought, the turtle in red had not figured it out himself. He was clueless about their smart brother’s feelings. But Michelangelo could not just tell the hothead. He could not render Donnie so vulnerable. Unless he made sure the playing field was evened out.

“Raph, before I tell you what I meant, I need to ask you a question”, he told his red-banded brother. “And you have to answer honestly!”

“Alright!” Raphael nodded.

“Do you love Donatello? More than a brother?” Mikey wanted to know. “Are you in love with him?”

As his brother’s eyes went wide, the orange-banded turtle had to suppress a grin. He had been right all along. The middle brothers BOTH had a thing for each other!

“Yes, I do!” The hothead confessed and when Mikey finally allowed his smirk to spread on his face, he asked astonished: “Yer okay with that?”

“Of course, man!” The youngster jumped up and down in excitement. “Don loves you, too. I thought he had told you and you had rejected him. That’s what I was talking about!”

An extremely goofy smile took over Raphael’s features and lingered there for about a minute without the hothead changing his expression or moving a limb. Just when Mikey thought his brother might have had a stroke, the hothead suddenly looked confused.

“Why wouldya think that I rejected him…?”

“I talked to him. He thought you were on to him and hated him for his feelings!”

“Oh no, no, no, no! Shit!” Raph slapped his hand against his forehead. “If I just had confronted him about April…”

“You still would not know that he feels for you what you feel for him!” Mikey ended the sentence. “Look, I am not saying that your reaction was good, but maybe a good thing can come out of it. That is, if this time you manage to apologize without pissing him off more.”

“Very funny, knucklehead!” The hothead grumbled good-naturedly and before turning to leave, he said: “Thanks, Mikey!”

“Anytime, bro!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yupp, Mikey spilled the beans... and brought cake! Good turtle!
> 
> Feedback welcome as always.


	12. Chapter 12

Excited Raphael left Michelangelo’s room. Donnie was in love with him! He had, however, strained his relationship to the purple-banded turtle with his behavior in the past few days. So before he could call the gentle genius his, there were some amendments to make. Just when he started to wonder if Donnie had woken up yet, he heard the bathroom door open and out stepped Donatello, freshly showered. Ignoring his immediate older brother, the genius went straight for his own room. Raphael sighed inwardly. Obviously there was some convincing to do before getting down to business. And Raphael was determined to get down to business soon. He had dreamt of the turtle in purple for months now. There was no way he would wait any longer, knowing that Donatello wanted him, too.

Instead of following his genius brother, he waited in front of his own room. Sooner or later the brainiac would come past here if he wanted to go to his lab. Sure enough, Donnie’s door opened a couple of minutes later. The purple-banded turtle stepped to the corridor, raising an eye ridge at Raphael who loitered in front of his own room, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

“Hey, Donnie!” He greeted with a sincere smile.

“Raphael!” The addressed turtle acknowledged him coolly giving a curt nod. But as he tried to carry on towards his sanctuary, his brother in red stepped in his way.

“Don, wait!” He pleaded. “I wanted to…”

“Let me guess! Apologize?” Don interrupted him snarky. “Excuse me when I pass. But I have seen you apologizing. You suck at it!”

Raising an eye ridge at the snappy choice of words coming out of his gentle brother’s mouth, Raphael grabbed Donnie’s hand.

“Gimme a chance ta practice. Maybe I will get better at it!” He joked but Don was not having it. With a quick yank he freed his hand from Raphael’s.

“I am neither your literal or emotional punching ball nor your test subject for rhetorical training!” He snarled. “Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have work to do.”

He side-stepped and went passed the turtle in red. The latter started to get irritated. If Don thought he could get away from him so easily, he had something coming. Without further ado Raphael grabbed the smaller turtle from behind and dragged him into his room. He pushed the protesting genius in and closed the door.

“Yer gonna listen, brainiac. I tried ta talk ta ya on the roof but ya just left before I had really started!”

“Well, I was on that roof because I did not want to talk to you!”

“So, I WAS the reason ya ran off!” Raph asked with a cocky grin but Donnie only rolled his eyes.

“Yes, but not to impress you but to avoid you.” The younger turtle scoffed and crossed his arms, looking away from his older brother. “If that’s something you want to be proud of – be my guest.”

Raphael grumbled at that, but then wanted to know: “How’d ya even know I was about ta talk ta ya?”

“April called me. She told me about your conversation and that you were on your way.”

When Raphael growled lowly at April’s interference, Don turned his gaze back to him.

“What? She is my friend! She knew you were coming for me and wanted me to have the option not to talk to you until I was ready!” He explained, before adding sarcastically: “Not that you respected my decision though…”

“Oh, I am sooo sorry fer saving yer genius ass from the Dragons!”

“I did not need saving.”

“Really now? Ya do recall that yer stalling only worked for so long? We had ta keep ‘em at bay before Leo and Mikey arrived! Ya coulda done that on yer own?” Raph crossed his arms with a triumphant look on his face.

“Well, thanks to _me_ , Leo knew about our predicament. And by the way, the Dragons saw YOUR not-so-ninja-butt cross the street and came looking for us!” Donnie sneered. “ _I_ climbed up that building without alerting any street gangs…”

“Well, excuuuse me that I was too worried to be careful!”

“Riiiight! Since you are the center of my universe, you just had to assume I’d kill myself because you were angry at me.” The genius threw his arms in the air theatrically.

“I already told ya…”

“…that you weren’t thinking. Yeah, yeah! You don’t need to tell me again. In fact, I didn’t need to hear it the first time. Because you never think!”

 “Careful, brainiac!” The turtle in red stepped closer until there was only half a step between the two squabblers, looking down at the genius.

“Or what, Raphael?” Donatello closed the remaining gap between them, refusing to back down. “Despite your claim of superiority I am not afraid of you.”

“Ya know some big words, Donnie-boy!”

“Reading sometimes does that!”

“So that’s whatya do in case of emergency? Open a dictionary ta bore ‘em ta death with fancy words?”

Waiting for another sharp reply Raphael looked down at the genius. Worried he furrowed his eye ridges as tears gathered in the beautiful brown eyes he was staring into.

 

*

 

“…that you weren’t thinking. Yeah, yeah! You don’t need to tell me again. In fact, I didn’t need to hear it the first time. Because you never think!”

 “Careful, brainiac!” Raphael came closer with a dangerous glow in his golden eyes

‘What am I doing?’ The genius thought to himself. He usually got along so well with his immediate older brother. Now they were at each other’s throat for the third time in a few days. Everything he had with Raphael seemed to be crumbling to dust around him. But he no longer tried to stop it. Instead he irritated his hotheaded brother to the bone, trying to drown himself in the glowing golden orbs, the dominant posture the red-banded turtle took and that deep threatening rumbling voice. Knowing full well that he would gain another bruise at best, he had become addicted to tickling the Alpha male in Raphael.

 “Or what, Raphael?” Donatello did not back away, but stepped closer, too. “Despite your claim of superiority I am not afraid of you.”

 “Ya know some big words, Donnie-boy!”

“Reading sometimes does that!”

“So that’s whatya do in case of emergency? Open a dictionary ta bore ‘em ta death with fancy words?”

About to shoot back once more Donatello stopped himself and bit his lip. If things kept going that way, he would destroy his friendship with Raphael for good. He could not be with him the way he secretly wanted which was hard, but losing him as a confidant, too, forever? He would not survive that.

“I am sorry, Raph.“ He said quietly, his eyes watering. “I guess we both still have not calmed down enough. I will move to April’s for a few days. Let’s talk again in a week.”

Raphael grabbed his arm when he was about to go.

“Donnie!” He said tenderly but the smaller turtle shook his head.

“Please let me go, Raphie!” The purple-banded brother pleaded, feeling his knees go weak at the proximity. “I…I just want to go.”

Ignoring his request, the stronger turtle just turned him around to face him again. Carefully he put his large hands around Donatello’s cheeks.

“Donnie…” He repeated even softer, barely a whisper.

 

*

 

The turtle in red felt his breathing speed up and his heartbeat jump. He had no idea if this was the right course of action. But he would know soon. Preparing to be kicked, punched or bitten, he leaned down, focused on the smaller turtle’s olive-colored lips.

As their mouths touched in a sweet and gentle kiss, Donnie gasped. A less than half-hearted attempt to pull away seemed to be born only out of surprise so Raphael dared to force the genius back by letting go of his face, instead grabbing his neck and back.

“Sorry, Donnie-boy!” The hothead husked against the smaller turtle‘s lips. “But yer not goin’ anywhere!”

“How is that your decision?” Donnie whispered back, looking at Raphael through half-lidded eyes.

“Well, Leo ain’t here.” The turtle in red responded and – when Don looked puzzled – he explained with a low rumble: “That means _I_ am in charge!”

Before the baffled genius could answer, he was thrown on Raphael’s bed, the hothead soon after lying on top of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, I know. But the next one is in progress. We are close to the finishing line.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I warn you about the included tcest? I think I did. But even then, it won’t hurt to remind you before you read this chapter. You know, for no specific reason. Just for the heck of it… Who am I kidding?  
> This chapter contains a lot of smut with a little bit of feels. You have been warned.  
> If you really don’t like smut, I think you can skip this chapter and move on to the epilogue. You will miss some dialogue that’s in here in that case but you will get the gist.

Raphael was stronger than him. He easily pinned him and held him down. Donatello could not get away. And he loved it. He relished in the fact that he was completely at the stronger turtle’s mercy. He probably should still have been angry with Raph. But his body did not share that opinion. His skin tingled pleasantly, his breathing became uneven and erratic and there was an undeniable stirring in his loins. The only reason he still fought was that he wanted Raphael to tighten the grip around his wrists. And as he did, the genius could not help a soft churr escaping him.  Surprised at first, Raphael’s expression soon became smug and a cocky grin spread across his face.

“’M getting’ the feeling that ya changed yer mind and don’t wanna leave anymore!” He smirked.

Annoyed as well as turned on by the hothead’s complacent face, Donatello rolled his eyes.

“I did not change my mind!” He declared, shaking his head.

Raphael kept his self-confident composure and his haughty expression did not waver, he only let go of the genius’ arms.

“Ya didn’t?” He asked smugly, raising his eye ridges.

“No”, Donnie admitted quietly. “I lied the first time.”

The reaction was prompt. His cocky smile grew even wider as Raphael rubbed their plastrons together to draw another sound from the turtle beneath him. While Donatello writhed under him, the hothead removed the genius’ gear before taking care of his own. After that he took a firm hold on Donnie’s wrists again. Very slowly Raphael pushed them higher. He led them carefully along the mattress until they were above the genius’ head. Fixating Don with his golden eyes Raph suddenly pinned his brother’s joints together rather roughly, grabbing them with his right hand, holding them in place. The smaller turtle hissed at the jerky movement which caused his bruised shoulder to ache. At first the hothead stopped in his movements but as Don churred even louder at the pain, he chuckled and resumed his actions. His free hand roamed over the pliant body beneath him, softly caressing the smaller turtle’s collarbone before moving down the almost unscarred ventral shell and finally tenderly stroking the soft skin between plastron and carapace. Squirming the turtle in purple let out a submissive churr and tilted his head to the side, presenting his slender olive-colored neck.

Raphael was fast to take what he was offered. Trailing a wet line along Don’s collar he let out a deep churr answering his lover’s. Gently he kissed and nipped at the delicate skin of the genius’ neck, priding himself of the soft moans and sighs he drew from the turtle in purple. Soft pecks he trailed along Donatello’s jawline determined to steal another kiss. Finally reaching the soft lips he this time let his tongue slide over them, demanding entrance. But while the olive-skinned turtle beneath him churred softly, he kept his lips pressed together. Confused at these mixed signals, Raphael broke the kiss to look at Don who wore a guiltless expression but with a mischievous glance in his eyes. He was still teasing him, causing the bulge beneath his plastron to grow.

“Don’t ya think ‘tis a bad idea ta provoke me, genius?” Raphael growled.

“I don’t know” Don answered innocently. “Is it?”

Raphael’s hand slid down the brainiac’s hips. He stopped at his left buttock and pinched. Taking advantage of Don’s gasp, he grabbed the other’s chin and pushed his tongue between the now parted lips. The genius shivered slightly, but allowed the red-banded turtle to dominate the kiss. Soft but muffled moans sounded through the room while their tongues danced. Raphael felt his erection grow even stronger and no longer tried to hold it back. His penis slipped out of his protective pocket and he moaned when it slid across Don’s plastron. Lifting himself up a bit he presented his hard cock to the turtle beneath him. A lewd grin on his face he let is eyes switch from Donnie to his member and back.

“See whatya did ta me?” He whispered, drawing his face close to the purple banded turtle’s. “The least ya can do is help me get rid of it…”

But Donatello did not return his lustful smirk. Instead the playful twinkle in his eyes disappeared and the honey brown eyes clouded with worry.

“Yer okay?” Raph wanted to know, using his left hand to caress Don’s cheek.

The genius nodded, but bit his lip, as if unsure whether to speak or not.

“Is this…” He asked hesitantly. “…a one-time-thing for you?”

Stunned Raphael halted all his action.

“It’s just…” Donatello went on, eyes focused on the taller turtle. “You mean so much to me and if to you this is just some form of physical release, I…I couldn’t…”

 “Ya don’t think, I’d eva let ya go again, do ya, brainiac?” The hothead asked softly but with a possessive glint in his eyes.

“Thinking is something I find quite hard right now.” Donatello confessed, chuckling. “A few minutes ago I didn’t even now you wanted me this way. How am I supposed to know how deep your feelings…”

“I love ya!” Raphael stated matter-of-factly. “Deep enough?”

For a second Don looked at the other turtle. Dumbfounded. Speechless. But then his face lit up. Relief spread across it and the corners of his mouth went up.

“I love you, too, Raphie!” He breathed and for the first time it was him who tried to initiate a kiss but due to Raphael’s grip he could not lift his head high enough. Deciding not to tease the turtle beneath him – for now – Raphael leaned down to meet the genius’ lips.

Finally he broke the kiss and grinned down on Donnie.

“I take it, ya’ll be a good boy now, brainiac?” He asked, pretty pleased with himself. “If I let go of yer hands now, ya’ll use ‘em on my dick only?”

Donnie watched Raph through hooded eyes and nodded. Smiling the turtle in red freed his lover’s wrists. As soon as he could use his hands, Donatello wrapped his left around Raphael’s shaft, stimulating him with precise even strokes while using his right to tease the tip with random touches and rubs.

“Gods…Donnie!” The sudden sensation overwhelmed Raphael and with a churr his upper body rose leaving only his knees straddling his lover.

Don’s own erection grew as Raphael reacted so strongly to his touch. The slit in the soft cartilage that hid his manhood parted lightly, revealing the tip of his penis.

“Come on, Donnie!” Raph  groaned at the sight. “Show me!”

His lover’s deep rumbling voice took care of the final threshold. Donnie churred and let go. Raph decided to get back at his lover for the teasing and grinned down at the hard member instead of touching. But ever the scientist Don was so caught up in the game of action and reaction that he did not process that. For a while he pleasured the turtle in red with his hands, but suddenly circled his right arm around the muscular turtle’s thighs and pulled himself up. Raphael’s member was now directly in front of him and the curious turtle gave an experimental lick. The reaction came swift: The hothead above him churred and moaned in one combined sound, his whole body twitched and he dove down at Don, pressing him into the mattress again with both hands on the genius’ shoulders.

Gasping in surprise and at the slight pain the turtle in purple looked guiltily at his lover.

“Not good?” He asked in an apologetic voice.

“Quite the opposite!” Raph chuckled between labored breaths. “Ya do that again and the fun’s ova already. And I’m not done with ya yet!”

“Oh…” Donnie blushed and shivered at these words, nodded his understanding and resumed to carefully fondling his lover’s length as soon as his hand were free again. After enjoying Don’s ministrations for a while, Raphael sat up and looked at the wooden shelf next to the door.

“Ya think my massage oil will do as lube?” He wondered, drawing Donnie out of his trance.

The genius gulped. This was it. He had dreamt about this moment for months but now he could not help being a little scared. He had been aware of the size ratio before of course. But seeing Raphael’s full erect penis right in front of him in reality and knowing it was about to go inside him at any minute now was a completely different thing.

“I…it should do!” He managed to respond. Eagerly Raphael left his lover on the bed to grab the oil from the shelf. On his way there he removed his mask and left it on the wooden board, inspiring the other turtle to do the same, laying his on the nightstand.

Upon his return Raph opened the bottle. With a lecherous expression on his face he parted Donatello’s legs and positioned himself between. Tenderly he cupped the olive-tinted butt cheeks before carefully spreading them. His triumphant smirk told Don that Raphael had found his price and the smaller turtle could not help a nervous shiver spreading through his body.

“Scared?” The hothead asked considerately.

Donnie wanted to lie but when he saw the sincere worry on his tough lover’s face, he felt no need to.

“A little, yes!” He confessed quietly but louder he assured: “But I want this! I want you to take me!”

 

Donatello spread his legs a little wider to show his willingness. Another deep sound rumbled in Raphael’s throat before he generously poured the oil on his finger and then started to circle around the puckered entrance between his lover’s legs. When Don did not complain, Raph dared to push one finger in. The genius stiffened for a second but soon relaxed when the digit moved in slow and careful circles along his soft inner walls. Humming in pleasure Donnie threw his head back in the pillow, clutching the sheets in sweet agony. Adding a second finger after a while the taller turtle noticed that there was less resistance and started to scissor the tight passage. With a duet of churrs the lovers anticipated what was to come.

Expectantly Raphael stared at Don. After a small nod from the olive-skinned turtle the hothead lubed his already dripping erection, aligned it with Donatello’s entrance and carefully pushed in. At first he felt no resistance, only the immense pleasure at the smooth walls tightening around him. Forgetting himself for the fracture of a second he pushed farther in, a little roughly, causing the genius to hiss.

“Does it hurt?” He asked unnecessarily at the clear look of discomfort on Donnie’s face.

“Let me put it this way:” the brainiac answered with dry humor. “I really don’t care about my bruised shoulder at the moment.”

“That ain’t funny, Donnie!” The hothead grumbled in a mixture of admonishment and worry.

“Do you see me laughing?” Donatello deadpanned but upon seeing his lover’s look, he smiled softly: “I’ll be fine! Just give me a moment, okay?”

“Easier said than done, genius!” Raph groaned.

“Meanwhile kiss me?” The smart turtle purred and the other was happy to oblige. No matter how good it felt to be in that warm and sweet tightness he would never again hurt Don if he could help it. So he gave him time to adjust to his girth. Gently he kissed his lover while stroking his erection to relax him further. After a while Donnie softly pushed him away to break the kiss, catching his attention. One look signaled his readiness.

With a low growl Raph started to move slowly, encouraged by his lover’s moans and churrs. His motions became faster by the second and his cock ventured deeper into Donatello’s tight ass.

 

All of a sudden Donatello’s vision swam. With every moment the turtle above him had invaded his body more, the marvelous feeling growing with every thrust. But now Raphael was permanently hitting the younger’s prostate. Churring, moaning, whimpering Donnie lay beneath the stronger turtle, frantically throwing his head from side to side. He felt like encouraging his lover but he could not think clearly, let alone form a coherent sentence. So he just desperately switched between clutching the sheets and grabbing his brother’s biceps.

“Please, don’t stop!” He whined, earning himself a dark chuckle.

“Why would I?” Raphael husked. “Having ya at my mercy and hearing ya beg is kinda addictive!”

After a few more well-placed thrusts, the hothead lifted his upper body bracing himself on his elbows. This freed Donatello’s penis that until now had been caught between their plastrons.

“Touch yourself!” Raphael commanded, breathing heavily and driving deep into his lover’s ass.

 

Immediately Donnie obeyed. He stroked his dick matching the rhythm of Raph’s thrusts. The hothead’s movements had reached a punishing pace. Harder, faster, deeper. He could not get enough of the sweet pleasure he took from the willing body beneath him. Seeing Donnie pleasuring himself on his behest made him feel even more possessive, if that was even possible.

Keeping up his pace he lowered his body once more to whisper in his lover’s ear slit.

“Yer mine, Donnie-boy!” He growled. “Aren’t ya?”

Lost in the pleasant torture of Raphael’s cock massaging his inner walls, Donnie only nodded in a frenzy, accompanied by a cute little purr. But that was not enough for the hothead.

Slowly he pulled out of his lover’s body, just to slam back right up to the hilt at once in one fluid motion. Desperately Don bit his own arm to muffle the cry of lust, pain and surprise while Raphael resumed his relentless pounding.

“Say it!” He demanded with a growl in between his merciless thrusts. “Say yer mine!”

“Yes, Raphie!” Don whimpered. “I am yours! All yours!”

With a rumbling sound deep from his throat the hothead gave up his last bit of control. His shoves became erratic, jagged and even harder. Grunting and moaning he took Donatello, making the smaller turtle shiver. He could feel Donatello’s hand sliding up and down his own dick between their bodies.

“Raphael!” Donnie whispered breathlessly, presenting his neck once more.

The genius was close to his climax and the expression of pure bliss on his face brought Raphael to the brink of his orgasm as well. Without thinking he drove down towards the olive-skinned neckline and bit down hard.

The mixture of pain and pleasure sent Donnie over the edge. Liquid warmth spread between the lover’s bodies, hitting both their plastrons. His climax caused the genius’ muscles to tense and Raph could feel the anal passage grow even tighter. That was all it took for him to reach his own peak and with a roar he came, emptying himself inside his lover.

Bathing in the afterglow Raphael still held Donnie pinned beneath him, peppering gentle kisses to his bruised neck and his face. After a while he noticed that his lover needed some air and reluctantly rolled over to the side.

Immediately Don followed to snuggle against Raph’s plastron, sighing contently.

“That was amazing!” He purred, nuzzling his beak into his brother’s neck.

“Ya can say that again!” Raphael chuckled, fishing for some tissues from his nightstand. “Even betta than I’d imagined.”

“Hmm!” Donatello nodded sleepy while his lover carefully cleaned their plastrons as good as possible.

“Hey, brainiac!” The older turtle nudged his partner softly after a while. “Can I try apologizing again? I am sorry fer treating ya like that. That thing with April made me so jealous that I couldn’t think straight… I completely overreacted.”

“It’s okay!” The genius bit his lip. “It wasn’t a fun time but it was a misunderstanding.”

“And I shouldn’t have been such an ass after the fight!” Raphael admitted, but could not help adding: “However, my point still stands: When Leo ain’t around, I’m the boss!”

“Yeah, yeah” Don chuckled. “You just showed me how much you like to be in charge.”

“And dontya fawget it, genius!” Raph smirked.

“Your wish shall be my command – if you let me sleep now for a while.”

“Sounds good ta me!”

Possessively Raphael wrapped his arms around his sweet genius, pulling him close. Both lovers felt in the first untroubled sleep they had for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo…that happened. Still can’t believe I wrote this. I never wrote smut before. What am I doing with my life? Going straight to hell I guess. See ya guys there…


	14. Chapter 14

Upon hearing the first words spoken between Donatello and Raphael on the corridor, he became a little worried. After Raphael’s door slammed shut and he heard another argument from the hothead’s room, he became a little more worried.

Sighing Michelangelo decided to intervene before the fight got out of hand again. But when he was about to open the door to Raphael’s room, he stopped dead in his tracks. These were not fighting noises! Wide-eyed he backed away, definitely NOT planning to go back to his own room where he would become an ear-witness as well. Just as he turned around to take the stairs down to the living room, he bummed into Leonardo.

“At least I found one brother!” The leader smiled softly. “Raph is not training and Don is not in his lab!”

“Curious…” Michelangelo murmured.

“Indeed. Listen, do you have a moment? I would like to talk to you!”

“Yes!” The orange-banded turtle responded a little too quickly, earning himself a suspicious look. “We should totally go to the dojo, close the door and have a talk. A looooong air clearing talk!”

“I’m glad you see it my way…” Leo raised an eye ridge at his youngest brother’s eagerness, but seemed to decide not to question it. “Let’s just find Raphael and Donatello. We should discuss all the tension lately as a family. Is Raph in there?”

Pointing at Raphael’s room, Leo strode towards it.

“You…” Mikey stepped in his way, grabbing his biceps. “…might not wanna go in there.”

But Leo just shook his head, gently removing the arm that stopped him.

“Why not? He had enough time to calm down and…what’s that smell?”

Just when he was about to knock, a deep growl followed by a soft churr sounded through the door and Leonardo froze. His eyes widened as he turned his face to Michelangelo. Pointing at the door he stuttered: “A…Are they…”

“I couldn’t think of any other explanation for these noises!” Mikey shrugged, scratching his head.

“Oh!” Leo dropped his hand, saying nothing more. Then he put a hand on his younger brother’s shoulder, leading him a few steps away.

“You’re not gonna freak out?” Michelangelo asked.

“Ehm, no, I guess not… I did not expect that specific outcome, but they do seem to work on relieving the tension between them...” The blue-banded turtle answered with an embarrassed chuckle, blushing slightly. “I… I guess it’s a good thing? I mean, usually they get along quite well and they make a good match, right?”

Mikey smiled.

“Yes, I think so, too!” He nodded happily.

 For a second Leonardo returned the cheerful smile, but then he frowned.

“I just don’t know how Master Splinter will see it.”

“Oh, he is fine with it.” The turtle in orange blurted out, a millisecond later biting his lip.

“How do you know that?” Leonardo wondered.

“What?” Mikey asked in a forced neutral tone, slightly tilting his head before pressing his lips together.

“Michelangelo.” The older brother used his leader voice. “Do you really think, I don’t recognize your ‘stalling-what’ by now? How do you know what Splinter thinks about…this!”

He gestured towards Raphael’s door at the last word, still casting a stern look at the youngster.

“I kinda talked to him about it?” Sheepishly the smaller turtle looked at his big brother, turning a little red.

“Why? Did you know about Don and Raph?”

“No, I mean, yes, well kinda, but that’s not why…” The youngest stuttered.

“Then why?” The leader questioned again.

Opening his mouth again to speak Mikey decided against it when he saw Leo’s confused face. He fell silent, before saying quietly: “Doesn’t matter! Just…You don’t need to worry about father having a problem with that.”

Frowning the leader took in Michelangelo’s change of mood.

“Mikey?”

“If the family meeting is off for now, I’m gonna watch TV a bit.” With a forced smile the turtle in orange waved before turning towards the stairs.

“Wait!” Leo lightly tapped on Mikey’s shoulder, making him turn back again.

“Is there something else?” The youngest asked a little too cheerful.

“Well” The turtle in blue began. “As far as I see it: If I want Raph to kill me, I could go into his room now to call him to a family meeting. If I want you to run away, I could invite you to meditate with me instead.”

Mikey chuckled at bit.

“Since I want neither…” The leader continued. “How about you and I have a lazy evening? You pick a movie or a game and we eat your apology cake. It’s still in the kitchen. Further you can fill me in about the details on Don and Raph.”

After that his gaze softened and he stepped closer to Michelangelo, gently putting his hand on the youngster’s biceps.

“And maybe after that you tell me your REAL reason for questioning Splinter about his opinion on love and sex?”

Speechless for a moment, Mikey gulped. But finally he nodded.

“I think I’d like that.”

 

*

 

Donatello and Raphael were working in the garage. A few days had passed since they had confessed their feelings for each other and things in the lair had smoothened out. Finally Master Splinter had returned from his prolonged Battle Nexus trip, much to the turtles’ delight who had missed their father and sensei dearly. As the newly found lovers had hoped, the old rat accepted their relationship when they had told their family about it. Michelangelo and Leonardo also were happy for their brothers, but obviously had known before the announcement.

“You make more noise than you think!” Mikey had quipped when questioned about his lack of surprise, causing Raphael to laugh out loud and Don to hide his reddened face in his mate’s plastron.

Now Don hummed along the tune from the radio while varnishing some scratches on Raphael’s motorcycle. The turtle in red finished checking on the truck’s motor and turned to his lover.

“Casey thinks his date with April went well last night.” He spoke. “What does April think?”

 “Should we talk about that?” Donnie pondered. “I mean he confides in you, she confides in me. Can we just exchange information?”

“Come on, Donnie!” Raph chuckled. “They love each other and have a chance  ta be happy. But Casey needs a hint now and then.”

“She enjoyed the evening.” The genius hesitantly confirmed. “But he shouldn’t move to fast. She is afraid that he just wants to get back in the well-feathered nest as fast as possible and after that things would be back to how they were before he moved out.”

“’tis not like that.” Raphael shook his head. “He understood! I swear! But I’ll tell him not ta pressure her.”

“You do that.” Don got up and took a step back to view his work. “I will tell her to trust his intentions more.”

“Ya should!” The turtle in red said. “Case really is busting his ass for her. She at least coulda…”

“Do you want me to list all of April’s qualities to emphasise that she is worth it?”

Growling Raphael stepped behind Donatello, wrapping his muscular arms around him.

“If ya wanna get in trouble with me!” He grumbled, his jealousy only half an act.

Don chuckled.

“Alright, let’s drop it. At the end of the day they have to sort it out themselves anyway.”

“Hmm!” The hothead hummed into his lover’s neck. “Enough of ‘em. Let’s talk ‘bout important things: Did ya lock the garage door?”

“Really, Raph?” Donatello turned his head to look at the taller turtle with a raised eye ridge. “We did it this morning.”

“So, did you lock it?” Raph repeated his question.

With a sheepish expression Don leaned into his lover’s embrace.

“Yes, I did!”

 

The End

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Thanks for the Kudos and the comments. As always more feedback is very welcome! :)


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